The Leader

Miss Universe opens pageant up to extra-terrestrial competitors

Reading Time: 2 minutes      JACLYN SPIEZIA Staff Lampoonist   In what appears to be an effort to be more inclusive, the Miss Universe pageant will now accept competitors from other star systems. Don’t be alarmed, though. A Donald Trump-owned organization was not trying to be inclusive. The decision was made by...

Exclusive: Trump’s upcoming executive orders for next week; President flexes a little too hardcore?

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 3 minutes      PATRICK BENNETT Staff Lampoonist   A drunk uncle flipped the beer pong table at his niece’s graduation party this past summer. He was flexing his testosterone and booze-fueled strength by exerting maximum force on the table. Now, President Donald Trump is flexing maximum force on the people...

Mexico unveils plans for border staircase

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 2 minutes  EMMA PATTERSON Staff Lampoonist   In a shocking turn of events last week, President Donald Trump claimed that he would actually start to move forward with what the general public thought was just a really dumb, horrifying joke: the construction of the U.S.-Mexico border wall. Obviously, this announcement has...

ALONE Day replaces Valentine’s Day; Nothing good will ever happen again, sources say

Reading Time: 2 minutes    ALBERTO GONZALEZ Special to the Lampoon   Valentine’s Day is upon us! BEWARE!! Any year prior to this one, this would have been a pretty typical sentence that could’ve summed up February 14th  pretty nicely. Now, however, this is not the case. Due to the wide-reaching social effects...

Op-Ed: In a time of peril, SUNY must stand up

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 2 minutes  ZACH BEAUDOIN Special to The Leader   Following the election, many student leaders started petitions calling on their campus administrators and SUNY to make their campuses “sanctuary campuses,” offering protections to undocumented students or employees or others who may be facing deportation. They explained what it meant to be...

Conservative Corner: Trump the Violator

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 2 minutesCONNOR HOFFMAN Managing Editor President Donald Trump promised on the campaign trail that he would enact a ban on Muslims entering the U.S., and with a recent executive order he has made that promise a reality. Some will claim that this isn’t a “Muslim ban” but don’t be fooled—this order...

The Good, the Bad, and the Cully: The improbable way John Cullen found his way to Fredonia

Reading Time: 8 minutes[metaslider id=8181] CURTIS HENRY Sports Editor “Yeah, the [NHL] lockout really couldn’t have f***ed me any worse.” Blunt and explicit. Those are the only ways that John Cullen knows how to go about things. These are exactly the words that he used to describe the 2012 NHL lockout that essentially...

Why it pays to play: Graduation rates for athletes higher than non-athletes

Reading Time: 2 minutesAVRIL KING Social Media Asst. Clearer skin, improved mood, weight maintenance: these are just a few of the benefits that come from regular exercise through a sport. And now, according to research conducted by Fredonia’s Office of Institutional Research and Planning, athletes are more likely to graduate. These studies (which...

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