[SATIRE] Horoscopes: Which banned item from my Christmas wish list are you?
JACE JACOBS Asst. Scallion Editor...
Horoscopes
[SATIRE] Horoscopes: What skeleton are you?
JACE JACOBSAssistant Editor of The Scallion, Amateur Skeleton Wrangler Happy spooky season Fredheads (I know spooky season is an outdated phrase but I’m allowed to use it, I keep my Halloween decorations up year-round so you can’t judge me)! I have discovered a recent passion of mine, and that is......
[SATIRE] Horoscopes: What minor inconvenience will you face?
JACE JACOBSAssistant Editor of The Scallion Hey guys. I don’t know how to start this off but I just want to let everyone know two things: 1. Midterms are quickly approaching and 2. The end is nigh. These things might be related but I’m not entirely sure, mercury is in......
[SATIRE] Horoscopes 5/3
JACE JACOBSGuest Scallywag, Semi-Pro Interpreter of the Stars This month the stars have some wisdom for the signs on where they’ll meet their soulmates. Keep an eye out for platonic and romantic vibes alike! Aries: As soon as the alien invasion happens, that’s where you’ll find your soulmate. Only someone......
[SATIRE] Kiki or bouba?: Horoscopes 4/2/23
JAY BYRONStaff Scallywag This week, I decide if you are bouba or kiki. That’s right. Simple as that. If you wanna argue with me about these email me at byro3576@fredonia.edu. Aries: Kiki. Taurus: Bouba with kiki attributes. Gemini: Kiki. Cancer: Bouba. Leo: Kiki. Virgo: Bouba and you try very hard......
[SATIRE] 03.08.23 Horoscopes
JAY BYRONStaff Scallywag Hello Fredonia! I’m feeling inspired by The Leader’s Managing Editor Chloe Kowalyk’s idea: what pasta type are you? Aries: Linguine. In your heart, you are just a stranger, bigger noodle than most other noodles. Taurus: Bucatini. You try hard to be better than everyone else. Sometimes it......
[SATIRE] Horoscopes 2/8
JAY BYRONStaff Scallywag Welcome back! How’re you settling in? Oh wait, I’ll tell you! In fact, I’ll predict how this semester will go for you. Aries: You’ve decided that your goal for the semester is to find every liminal space on campus and meditate there for an hour straight to......