Horoscopes
[SATIRE] Horoscopes: First edition Fall 2023
Reading Time: < 1 minute...
[SATIRE] Horoscopes 5/3
Reading Time: 2 minutesJACE JACOBSGuest Scallywag, Semi-Pro Interpreter of the Stars This month the stars have some wisdom for the signs on where they’ll meet their soulmates. Keep an eye out for platonic and romantic vibes alike! Aries: As soon as the alien invasion happens, that’s where you’ll find your soulmate. Only someone......
[SATIRE] Kiki or bouba?: Horoscopes 4/2/23
Reading Time: < 1 minuteJAY BYRONStaff Scallywag This week, I decide if you are bouba or kiki. That’s right. Simple as that. If you wanna argue with me about these email me at byro3576@fredonia.edu. Aries: Kiki. Taurus: Bouba with kiki attributes. Gemini: Kiki. Cancer: Bouba. Leo: Kiki. Virgo: Bouba and you try very hard......
[SATIRE] 03.08.23 Horoscopes
Reading Time: < 1 minuteJAY BYRONStaff Scallywag Hello Fredonia! I’m feeling inspired by The Leader’s Managing Editor Chloe Kowalyk’s idea: what pasta type are you? Aries: Linguine. In your heart, you are just a stranger, bigger noodle than most other noodles. Taurus: Bucatini. You try hard to be better than everyone else. Sometimes it......
[SATIRE] Horoscopes 2/8
Reading Time: 2 minutesJAY BYRONStaff Scallywag Welcome back! How’re you settling in? Oh wait, I’ll tell you! In fact, I’ll predict how this semester will go for you. Aries: You’ve decided that your goal for the semester is to find every liminal space on campus and meditate there for an hour straight to......
[SATIRE] Horoscopes 12/9
Reading Time: < 1 minuteAUNT SQUIGGLY Revered medium and Trustee of the Lilydale Community Chamber of Commerce Hello all! You’ve made it to the end of your semester, eh? Very good! Here is what I think you should do to bask in your achievement! Aries: Book a private Seance Session with me, and share......
[SATIRE] Horoscopes 11/9
Reading Time: < 1 minuteJAY BYRONStaff Scallywag Hello friends, here’s the first thing on your playlist for November! Aries: “Bang Bang” by Jessie J, Ariana Grande, Nicki Minaj Taurus: “Michael in the Bathroom” by Be More Chill Gemini: “Buddy Holly” by Weezer Cancer: “Anti-Hero” by Taylor Swift Leo: “Axel F” by Crazy Frog Virgo:......
[SATIRE] Halloween horoscopes
Reading Time: < 1 minuteJAY BYRONStaff Scallywag Hi friends! Here’s another horoscopes article for you. Here’s what you should be for Halloween, since obviously now is the time to think about it. Aries: Three Man Hill with your friends. Taurus: Ask your friends what breed of dog you are and be that specific dog.......
[SATIRE] Horoscopes 9/30
Reading Time: < 1 minuteJAY BYRONStaff Scallywag Hi buds. Love ya. Where’s your stress level at? I’ll tell you. Aries: Starting off strong, my little Aries friends are always struggling. You’re struggling extra hard this week. Uh oh! What now?! Taurus: Hmmmmmm … I can’t really figure you out. Just make sure you make......