Horoscopes

[SATIRE] Horoscopes 5/3

Contributor to The LeaderMay 9, 2023May 6, 2023

May 9, 2023May 6, 2023

Reading Time: 2 minutesJACE JACOBSGuest Scallywag, Semi-Pro Interpreter of the Stars This month the stars have some wisdom for the signs on where they’ll meet their soulmates. Keep an eye out for platonic and romantic vibes alike! Aries: As soon as the alien invasion happens, that’s where you’ll find your soulmate. Only someone......

Scallion

[SATIRE] Kiki or bouba?: Horoscopes 4/2/23

Contributor to The LeaderApril 11, 2023April 11, 2023

April 11, 2023April 11, 2023

Reading Time: < 1 minuteJAY BYRONStaff Scallywag This week, I decide if you are bouba or kiki. That’s right. Simple as that. If you wanna argue with me about these email me at byro3576@fredonia.edu. Aries: Kiki. Taurus: Bouba with kiki attributes. Gemini: Kiki. Cancer: Bouba. Leo: Kiki. Virgo: Bouba and you try very hard......

Scallion

[SATIRE] 03.08.23 Horoscopes

Contributor to The LeaderMarch 22, 2023March 19, 2023

March 22, 2023March 19, 2023

Reading Time: < 1 minuteJAY BYRONStaff Scallywag Hello Fredonia! I’m feeling inspired by The Leader’s Managing Editor Chloe Kowalyk’s idea: what pasta type are you? Aries: Linguine. In your heart, you are just a stranger, bigger noodle than most other noodles. Taurus: Bucatini. You try hard to be better than everyone else. Sometimes it......

Scallion

[SATIRE] Horoscopes 2/8

Contributor to The LeaderFebruary 8, 2023February 8, 2023

February 8, 2023February 8, 2023

Reading Time: 2 minutesJAY BYRONStaff Scallywag Welcome back! How’re you settling in? Oh wait, I’ll tell you! In fact, I’ll predict how this semester will go for you. Aries: You’ve decided that your goal for the semester is to find every liminal space on campus and meditate there for an hour straight to......

Scallion

[SATIRE] Horoscopes 12/9

Contributor to The LeaderDecember 9, 2022December 9, 2022

December 9, 2022December 9, 2022

Reading Time: < 1 minuteAUNT SQUIGGLY Revered medium and Trustee of the Lilydale Community Chamber of Commerce Hello all! You’ve made it to the end of your semester, eh? Very good! Here is what I think you should do to bask in your achievement! Aries: Book a private Seance Session with me, and share......

Scallion

[SATIRE] Horoscopes 11/9

Contributor to The LeaderNovember 9, 2022November 8, 2022

November 9, 2022November 8, 2022

Reading Time: < 1 minuteJAY BYRONStaff Scallywag Hello friends, here’s the first thing on your playlist for November! Aries: “Bang Bang” by Jessie J, Ariana Grande, Nicki Minaj Taurus: “Michael in the Bathroom” by Be More Chill Gemini: “Buddy Holly” by Weezer Cancer: “Anti-Hero” by Taylor Swift Leo: “Axel F” by Crazy Frog Virgo:......

Scallion

[SATIRE] Halloween horoscopes

Contributor to The LeaderOctober 21, 2022October 21, 2022

October 21, 2022October 21, 2022

Reading Time: < 1 minuteJAY BYRONStaff Scallywag Hi friends! Here’s another horoscopes article for you. Here’s what you should be for Halloween, since obviously now is the time to think about it. Aries: Three Man Hill with your friends. Taurus: Ask your friends what breed of dog you are and be that specific dog.......

Scallion

[SATIRE] Horoscopes 9/30

Contributor to The LeaderSeptember 30, 2022September 30, 2022

September 30, 2022September 30, 2022

Reading Time: < 1 minuteJAY BYRONStaff Scallywag Hi buds. Love ya. Where’s your stress level at? I’ll tell you. Aries: Starting off strong, my little Aries friends are always struggling. You’re struggling extra hard this week. Uh oh! What now?! Taurus: Hmmmmmm … I can’t really figure you out. Just make sure you make......

Scallion

[SATIRE] Horoscopes: The signs as back to school things

Contributor to The LeaderSeptember 10, 2022September 10, 2022

September 10, 2022September 10, 2022

Reading Time: < 1 minuteALYSSA BUMP Editor in Chief Which back to school thing are you based on your astrological sign? Aries: Post-It notes for your so-called to-do lists. Taurus: A green apple smelly pencil that loses its scent in 24 hours. You disgust me. Gemini: A Jansport backpack to hide all of your......

Scallion

[SATIRE] Horoscopes: Which SUNY Fredonia building are you?

Contributor to The LeaderJuly 20, 2022July 20, 2022

July 20, 2022July 20, 2022

Reading Time: < 1 minuteJAY BYRONStaff Scallywag Hey, incoming students! You’re here because you’re pretty cool. So, I’m making this Scallion article JUST for you (not because Matt asked me to). Welcome to Horoscopes! Aries: McEwen Hall, because everyone loves your reliability. <3 Taurus: Grissom Hall, because you’re loveable at first, but then people......

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[SATIRE] Horoscopes 5/3

[SATIRE] Kiki or bouba?: Horoscopes 4/2/23

[SATIRE] 03.08.23 Horoscopes

[SATIRE] Horoscopes 2/8

[SATIRE] Horoscopes 12/9

[SATIRE] Horoscopes 11/9

[SATIRE] Halloween horoscopes

[SATIRE] Horoscopes 9/30

[SATIRE] Horoscopes: The signs as back to school things

[SATIRE] Horoscopes: Which SUNY Fredonia building are you?