Satire

Totally true story of the “FRED” sign

Jules HoeptingSeptember 10, 2021September 9, 2021

September 10, 2021September 9, 2021

Reading Time: 3 minutesJULES HOEPTING Managing Editor This is the satire section of the paper, but everything I am about to tell you is totally true — not exaggerated at all. Really. As one of the head editors, I deemed this topic too comical to put in any other section. All summer, I......

Scallion

You’re fully vaxxed now! You can kiss and hold hands!

Contributor to The LeaderMay 17, 2021May 17, 2021

May 17, 2021May 17, 2021

Reading Time: 3 minutesJAY BYRONStaff Scallywag I gotta say, I am so freaking excited to be talking about holding hands without feeling bad about it. I don’t know if anyone else remembers, but I love talking about holding hands and maybe kissing. I especially still hold a love for the Willy C’s silhouettes,......

Scallion

[SATIRE] Congress members found at Ghost Club

Contributor to The LeaderMay 14, 2021May 9, 2021

May 14, 2021May 9, 2021

Reading Time: 2 minutesBRIAN CECALA Staff Scallywag A group of Congress members known for being part of the “America First Caucus” were found gleefully running around in the woods in white costumes. They were frolicking around a fire that had a giant wooden “T” in the middle of it. When asked about why......

Scallion

Catching up with Geraldine, SUNY Fredonia’s first gecko student

Contributor to The LeaderMay 6, 2021May 7, 2021

May 6, 2021May 7, 2021

Reading Time: 2 minutesMATTHEW BAUM Scallion Editor It’s been over a year since we’ve had the luxury of meeting and talking with Geraldine Wilcox and her former roommate, Savannah, and we at the Scallion wanted to hear how this dynamic duo has been handling the 2020-21 school year, given all that’s happened. When......

Scallion

[SATIRE] A list of my NFTs

Contributor to The LeaderMay 1, 2021April 25, 2021

May 1, 2021April 25, 2021

Reading Time: 2 minutesJAY BYRONStaff Scallywag Hey there. Just wanted to post an article showing how absolutely ridiculously baller I am. Unfortunately, I was told I have to actually give you a definition of what an NFT is, and I can hardly even describe it myself despite being the most successful NFT owner......

Scallion

Police Notters (Relatable Style)

Contributor to The LeaderApril 29, 2021April 29, 2021

April 29, 2021April 29, 2021

Reading Time: 2 minutesBRIAN CECALA Staff Scallywag University Police understands that tensions between police and civilians are at an all-time high. The Fredonia police wanted to make the notters something we can all enjoy. So for today’s edition of the notters, the team decided to add some memes into the reports to spice......

Scallion

Horoscopes

Leader AdSenseApril 26, 2021April 26, 2021

April 26, 2021April 26, 2021

Reading Time: < 1 minuteHANNAH BLIDY Staff Scallywag How the signs spend their mental health days aries: definitely not the homework they’ve been meaning to do since week 2 taurus: listening to chug jug with you 12 hour version gemini: playing modded minecraft for the entire day, only stopping to piss and eat pizza......

Scallion

I need to apologize…

Contributor to The LeaderApril 23, 2021April 23, 2021

April 23, 2021April 23, 2021

Reading Time: 2 minutesBRIAN CECALA Staff Scallywag I did an oopsie guys. The article I posted about things in Fredonia that would kill Prince Philip went up on April 8. The following day he died of unknown circumstances. The legal statement from the Scallion says this is strictly coincidental, and the article did......

Scallion

[SATIRE] What is hiding inside of Thompson Hall? An investigation

Contributor to The LeaderApril 19, 2021April 19, 2021

April 19, 2021April 19, 2021

Reading Time: 3 minutesJAY BYRONStaff Scallywag While many of Fredonia’s mysteries may remain that way for a while, (the list goes on, but I’ll just quietly mention the Mason arsonist so I don’t have to talk about the dog food smell) I have one that I solved through the course of one day.......

Scallion

Stop saying I look like Jonah Hill 😡

Contributor to The LeaderApril 14, 2021April 12, 2021

April 14, 2021April 12, 2021

Reading Time: 2 minutesBRIAN CECALA Staff Scallywag Hi guys, it’s me, Brian Cecala, local hero and writer for the Scallion. I was pawing through my fan mail recently (which I get a LOT of) and I noticed a trend. Lots of you guys write in to give me admiration and praise for my......

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Totally true story of the “FRED” sign

You’re fully vaxxed now! You can kiss and hold hands!

[SATIRE] Congress members found at Ghost Club

Catching up with Geraldine, SUNY Fredonia’s first gecko student

[SATIRE] A list of my NFTs

Police Notters (Relatable Style)

Horoscopes

I need to apologize…

[SATIRE] What is hiding inside of Thompson Hall? An investigation

Stop saying I look like Jonah Hill 😡