Satire

So, you wanna get ready for “WandaVision?”

Contributor to The LeaderMarch 4, 2021March 4, 2021

March 4, 2021March 4, 2021

BRIAN CECALA Staff Scallywag So you wanna get ready and watch “WandaVision” like the other hip cool guys? But you haven’t watched all the Marvel movies that lead up to it. Well, don’t worry, we here at The Scallion gotcha covered! I watched every single Marvel movie in order to......

Scallion

Horoscopes

Contributor to The LeaderMarch 1, 2021March 1, 2021

March 1, 2021March 1, 2021

HANNAH BLIDY Staff Scallywag aries: f*ckin’ uh i don’t know taurus: ur like a little f*ckin’ turtle gemini: underrated air sign we love u gemini babies cancer: cry baby oooo whatcha gonna do f*ckin’ cry about it? leo: why don’t you un-repress your emotions and then we can talk about......

Scallion

For one last time: I am the editor of The Scallion, and I have really long legs now

Contributor to The LeaderMarch 1, 2021March 1, 2021

March 1, 2021March 1, 2021

JOSEPH MARCINIAK Retired Editor of The Scallion Well folks, this is it: my last article as editor. After much thought, I have decided to take my extended legs and take them home, since I am retiring. I have claimed my pension, and all my benefits. I, Joseph Marciniak, humble servant......

Scallion

[SATIRE] Can you hold a hand and be mean at the same time? An analysis

Contributor to The LeaderFebruary 27, 2021February 24, 2021

February 27, 2021February 24, 2021

JAY BYRONStaff Scallywag As I was thinking about what to do for this article, I realized that I talk big game about hand holding. It’s a fun activity that anyone can participate in. I figured it appeals to the mass audience. However, I realize there are some people out there......

Scallion

Heartwarming! A shrimp really did fry this rice

Contributor to The LeaderFebruary 25, 2021February 24, 2021

February 25, 2021February 24, 2021

BRIAN CECALA Staff Scallywag By all known laws of biology, a shrimp should not have the ability to fry rice. Yet when I heard rumors around the campus of not one, but multiple local establishments selling shrimp fried rice I knew I had to get the scoop. What I was......

Scallion

Turns out, nobody liked my Super Bowl halftime show idea from last year

Contributor to The LeaderFebruary 23, 2021February 23, 2021

February 23, 2021February 23, 2021

MATTHEW BAUM Assistant Scallion Editor Well, another football season has come and gone. While fans across the country cheered, families remarked about the sub-par commercials this year and Tom Brady has once again managed to make more money than I will ever have in the span of nine months. With......

Scallion

Horoscopes: The signs as Scallion articles

Contributor to The LeaderFebruary 21, 2021February 21, 2021

February 21, 2021February 21, 2021

HANNAH BLIDY Staff Scallywag Guess what everyone! This is my 10th time writing the horoscopes!!!!!!! Yay!!!!!!!!!! In honor of this MOMENTOUS occasion, I have decided to read literally every Scallion article written in 2020 and choose one for each sign!!!!!!!!!! Isn’t that fun???????? Also it means I get to do......

Scallion

[SATIRE] How to make friends with the coronavirus, a step-by-step guide

Contributor to The LeaderFebruary 18, 2021May 4, 2021

February 18, 2021May 4, 2021

JAY BYRONStaff Scallywag Over the winter break, I’ve had time to think about my friends — who is a real friend, who wants to be my friend and who needs a friend. The more I think about it, the more I realize some people are very lonely and that hurts......

Scallion

Kayne can still win the election! Don’t give up!

Contributor to The LeaderFebruary 17, 2021February 17, 2021

February 17, 2021February 17, 2021

BRIAN CECALA Staff Scallywag You IDIOTS did it again, huh? You squandered the election to some idiots. The two party system fails the will of the people. Polls showed that over 90 percent of Americans wanted Kanye West for the presidency. Before you fake-news fans say it — yes, that......

Scallion

Horoscopes

Contributor to The LeaderNovember 16, 2020November 16, 2020

November 16, 2020November 16, 2020

HANNAH BLIDY Staff Scallywag Aries: You will become complacent these next 4 years. <3 Taurus: Stop being mean to your hot gamer gf. :/ Gemini: You’re boolin. Everything will stay the same. 🙂 Cancer: You will get a 4 for 4 this week. At the red-head girl place. Leo: Someone......

Professor Peter Tucker reflects on his time at Fredonia

Trumps wins 2024 presidential election

Fredonia’s violinist David Rose performs from the heart

[SATIRE] Horoscopes and it’s the same but I’m an alum…

The ‘surprisingly chaotic’ Canadaway Creek

Digging into the impact of Fredonia’s faculty cuts

From EBC to Tiki: Fredonia staple changes ownership

Reviving community through leadership on the field

Lovercolumn: The Transgender Experience

5th Quarter Column: Coop there it is

So, you wanna get ready for “WandaVision?”

Horoscopes

For one last time: I am the editor of The Scallion, and I have really long legs now

[SATIRE] Can you hold a hand and be mean at the same time? An analysis

Heartwarming! A shrimp really did fry this rice

Turns out, nobody liked my Super Bowl halftime show idea from last year

Horoscopes: The signs as Scallion articles

[SATIRE] How to make friends with the coronavirus, a step-by-step guide

Kayne can still win the election! Don’t give up!

Horoscopes