Comic: Snow Shoveling Sabotage
Reading Time: < 1 minuteCreated by NICOLE THORSON...
Satire
[SATIRE] These are my thoughts and you’re going to read them
Reading Time: 2 minutesJAY BYRONStaff Scallywag So, the Scallion, huh? Isn’t it fun? A little silly? Whatever. Anyway, point is, I’m writing some stuff and I don’t care what you think because I’m a little punk. Chicken Fingers. They’re a bit tasty, but you absolutely have to get them from the right place.......
[SATIRE] Horoscopes: What leftover candy gives off the same vibe as your sign?
Reading Time: 2 minutesMATTHEW BAUM Editor of the Scallion and Confectionery Connoisseur Aries: You give off big Milky Way energy. You have a tendency to approach things in your life very head-on, and that’s fine, but some will be taken aback by your straightforwardness. Taurus: Alright, now this is interesting! You’re off the......
[SATIRE] Join the Scallion, you cowards
Reading Time: 2 minutesMATTHEW BAUM Scallion Editor Hey. HEY. Listen up, I’m only gonna type this once: Write. For. The. Scallion. There is nothing better than taking 45 minutes or less out of your week to write a silly little article that you make up out of thin air for the college newspaper.......
Totally true story of the “FRED” sign
Reading Time: 3 minutesJULES HOEPTING Managing Editor This is the satire section of the paper, but everything I am about to tell you is totally true — not exaggerated at all. Really. As one of the head editors, I deemed this topic too comical to put in any other section. All summer, I......
You’re fully vaxxed now! You can kiss and hold hands!
Reading Time: 3 minutesJAY BYRONStaff Scallywag I gotta say, I am so freaking excited to be talking about holding hands without feeling bad about it. I don’t know if anyone else remembers, but I love talking about holding hands and maybe kissing. I especially still hold a love for the Willy C’s silhouettes,......
[SATIRE] Congress members found at Ghost Club
Reading Time: 2 minutesBRIAN CECALA Staff Scallywag A group of Congress members known for being part of the “America First Caucus” were found gleefully running around in the woods in white costumes. They were frolicking around a fire that had a giant wooden “T” in the middle of it. When asked about why......
Catching up with Geraldine, SUNY Fredonia’s first gecko student
Reading Time: 2 minutesMATTHEW BAUM Scallion Editor It’s been over a year since we’ve had the luxury of meeting and talking with Geraldine Wilcox and her former roommate, Savannah, and we at the Scallion wanted to hear how this dynamic duo has been handling the 2020-21 school year, given all that’s happened. When......
[SATIRE] A list of my NFTs
Reading Time: 2 minutesJAY BYRONStaff Scallywag Hey there. Just wanted to post an article showing how absolutely ridiculously baller I am. Unfortunately, I was told I have to actually give you a definition of what an NFT is, and I can hardly even describe it myself despite being the most successful NFT owner......
Police Notters (Relatable Style)
Reading Time: 2 minutesBRIAN CECALA Staff Scallywag University Police understands that tensions between police and civilians are at an all-time high. The Fredonia police wanted to make the notters something we can all enjoy. So for today’s edition of the notters, the team decided to add some memes into the reports to spice......