Satire

[SATIRE] Why learning a second language is probably not a good idea

Contributor to The LeaderApril 2, 2021April 2, 2021

April 2, 2021April 2, 2021

Reading Time: 2 minutesCHLOE KOWALYK Staff Writer It would be awful to learn a second language. Take it from a gal who knows. Research suggests that learning another language helps improve memory. Why would I want to do that? To make room for more memories like my last prom date rejection? No thank......

Scallion

[SATIRE] Dumpster on campus mistaken for conceptual art piece

Contributor to The LeaderApril 1, 2021April 1, 2021

April 1, 2021April 1, 2021

Reading Time: < 1 minuteALYSSA BUMPLife & Arts Editor The dumpster behind Gregory Hall (yes… that dumpster) has drawn in a flock of art critics to campus. This latest piece was thought to be one of the most innovative sculptures on campus yet. I know what you’re thinking, how could anything be more innovative......

Scallion

BRIAN CECALA IS THE NEW CHIEF OF FREDONIA U.P. AND HE HAS NEW RULES

Contributor to The LeaderApril 1, 2021March 30, 2021

April 1, 2021March 30, 2021

Reading Time: 2 minutesBRIAN CECALA KING OF FREDONIA WHAT’S UP ASSH*LES. FOR APRIL FOOLS POLICE NOTTERS, THE CHIEF OF POLICE SAID I COULD BE THE POLICE CHIEF AND HE WOULD WRITE A FUNNY ARTICLE. HOWEVER, I PULLED AN APRIL PRANK. I HAVE STATED SOME NEW RULES FOR ALL FREDONIA STUDENTS. NEW RULE 1......

Scallion

Music Review: “Never Gonna Give You Up” by Rick Astley

Contributor to The LeaderMarch 31, 2021March 31, 2021

March 31, 2021March 31, 2021

Reading Time: 2 minutesHANNAH BLIDY Staff Scallywag We all know it. Some of us hate it. It gives us a flashback to the early days of internet memes. No, it’s not the Nyan Cat song. It is the one and only, “Never Gonna Give You Up.” According to KnowYourMeme.com, Rickrolling is a classic......

Scallion

Rating NBA players based on their hairlines

Contributor to The LeaderMarch 30, 2021March 30, 2021

March 30, 2021March 30, 2021

Reading Time: 2 minutesGRIFFIN DOMBROSKE Special to The Leader I suppose I should preface this with the fact that I am in no way well-versed in any Hockey team and their players. That being said, I have decided to rate their performance in the NBA based solely off of how broke their hairline......

Scallion

Wow, Hannah’s writing a real article for once? I didn’t even know that was possible.

Contributor to The LeaderMarch 30, 2021March 30, 2021

March 30, 2021March 30, 2021

Reading Time: < 1 minuteHANNAH BLIDY Staff Scallywag Yes, you read that title correctly. No horoscopes for me this week. They were hijacked from me by other members of the Scallywag crew. I’m so upset that I just started writing this article so that maybe they’ll give them back to me. Please guys, I......

Scallion

[SATIRE] The true source of the dog food smell on campus

Contributor to The LeaderMarch 29, 2021March 30, 2021

March 29, 2021March 30, 2021

Reading Time: 2 minutesCHLOE KOWALYK Staff Writer Ah yes, the weather is warming up and we can finally go outside. Fredonia students fill the campus, laying out picnic blankets and going on walks with their friends. The semester is more than halfway through, and everything is looking up. That is until… **Sniff Sniff**......

Scallion

Horoscopes

Contributor to The LeaderMarch 28, 2021March 28, 2021

March 28, 2021March 28, 2021

Reading Time: 2 minutesMATTHEW BAUM Astrology amateur and general party-pooper **DISCLAIMER** — I do not know much about astrology, so these will be out of order. If you could, print them in this order. I think it’ll be funny. Libra: You’re gonna want to avoid eating any fish items this week. I......

Scallion

[SATIRE] My teeth can cut glass. I’m going to shotgun a Svedka

Contributor to The LeaderMarch 25, 2021March 23, 2021

March 25, 2021March 23, 2021

Reading Time: 3 minutesJAY BYRONStaff Scallywag In October of the year 2019, I went to a party. It was absolutely bonkers — I watched someone dressed up as the “stonks” guy vaping and a fake Belle Delphine carrying around mason jars of “bath water” Everclear. However, the best thing I had seen that......

Scallion

Horoscopes

Contributor to The LeaderMarch 22, 2021March 22, 2021

March 22, 2021March 22, 2021

Reading Time: 5 minutesHANNAH BLIDY Staff Scallywag aries: fart fart fart you little gassy fart muncher! you little fart baby. farty fart fart. you love big farts, small farts, even poopy farts! whenever you feel the need to pass gas, you’re like, hell yeah i’ll fart right now! i bet you have a......

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[SATIRE] Why learning a second language is probably not a good idea

[SATIRE] Dumpster on campus mistaken for conceptual art piece

BRIAN CECALA IS THE NEW CHIEF OF FREDONIA U.P. AND HE HAS NEW RULES

Music Review: “Never Gonna Give You Up” by Rick Astley

Rating NBA players based on their hairlines

Wow, Hannah’s writing a real article for once? I didn’t even know that was possible.

[SATIRE] The true source of the dog food smell on campus

Horoscopes

[SATIRE] My teeth can cut glass. I’m going to shotgun a Svedka

Horoscopes