Satire

Ghosts hacked my son’s computer

Contributor to The LeaderOctober 27, 2020October 27, 2020

October 27, 2020October 27, 2020

BRIAN CECALA Guest Scallywag You heard me right; I heard a crazy noise coming from my 14-year-old son’s room. So, being the good father that I am, I busted through the door. There was PORN on his computer and I was furious so I asked him what the deal was.......

Scallion

Check out my friend’s moving Hank Hill impression

Contributor to The LeaderOctober 19, 2020October 19, 2020

October 19, 2020October 19, 2020

BRIAN CECALA Guest Scallywag I was chilling with my buddy Kyle during these unprecedented times, when out of the blue he turned to me and said, “Hey Brian check this out…” What happened next was like a slice of heaven — Kyle had managed to do a PERFECT Hank Hill......

Scallion

“So much for the tolerant left…” Racist says after leftist calls him a racist

Contributor to The LeaderOctober 18, 2020October 18, 2020

October 18, 2020October 18, 2020

JAY BYRONGuest Scallywag We ask hard-hitting questions here at The Scallion. One question we have been mulling over in our head since the dawn of time is: “Who is the snowflake?” We realize, though, that this may be too deep and difficult of a question to be asking in general.......

Scallion

Horoscopes

Contributor to The LeaderOctober 17, 2020October 17, 2020

October 17, 2020October 17, 2020

HANNAH BLIDY Staff Scallywag aries: (you are small in this scenario) hello littel tiney babie you are small! !!!! taurus: ~~~~~~~~~living lifeeeeee <3 gemini: move it move it babey i know u love to dance! cancer: squeak squeak lil mousey babie so small!!!!!!!!! leo: nothing bad ever happens to the......

Scallion

[SATIRE] Wow, thank you: FSA has been providing us with free penicillin in our food!

Contributor to The LeaderOctober 15, 2020October 15, 2020

October 15, 2020October 15, 2020

MATTHEW BAUM Assistant Scallion Editor It’s no secret to the students here at SUNY Fredonia that our school’s first priority is the wellbeing of us as residents. We are provided expert medical care, our words have an impact on the culture at school and they have the decency to prepare......

Scallion

Horoscopes

Contributor to The LeaderOctober 9, 2020October 9, 2020

October 9, 2020October 9, 2020

HANNAH BLIDY Staff Scallywag aries: take a nap. you deserve it. also, i wish i was taking a nap right now instead of writing the horoscopes. taurus: guess what i just bought at tj maxx! i got some cool skincare products and i’m really excited to try them out. let’s......

Scallion

Local English major starting to wonder when he’ll be good at writing

Contributor to The LeaderOctober 7, 2020October 7, 2020

October 7, 2020October 7, 2020

JOSEPH MARCINIAK Scallion Editor A local English student, Paul Crendal, has begun to wonder when his “good writing skills” will kick in, latest reports say. According to eyewitness reports, Crendal struggled to come up with even one solid opening sentence for his creative writing class while working in the library.......

Scallion

[SATIRE] Apple unveils new Water, Earth and Fire properties

Contributor to The LeaderOctober 3, 2020October 3, 2020

October 3, 2020October 3, 2020

MATTHEW BAUM Assistant Scallion Editor On Sept. 15, Apple unveiled the new generation of iPad, the newly-upgraded iPad Air. Tech nerds and Steve Jobs fanboys around the world were blown away by the initial announcement, but they failed to hear the more life-changing announcement that immediately followed it. It had......

Scallion

Hey anime, I’m straight! Got that?

Contributor to The LeaderSeptember 28, 2020September 28, 2020

September 28, 2020September 28, 2020

BRIAN CECALA Guest Scallywag Listen here, whoever it is designs the anime characters: I AM STRAIGHT! So stop making your characters these hot twinky boys, capeesh? Stop pushing your far left agenda to make me attracted to men. Yes, I find your characters extremely attractive but that’s because you keep......

Scallion

Horoscopes

Contributor to The LeaderSeptember 28, 2020September 28, 2020

September 28, 2020September 28, 2020

HANNAH BLIDY Staff Scallywag aries: ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! – you, this week. taurus: ok so are you going to send aquarius the homework for math 115 or what… gemini: wow, you’ve got a lot of people in your tinder dm’s for someone who’s supposed to be quarantining. cancer: i’m sensing some chaotic......

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Lovercolumn: The Transgender Experience

5th Quarter Column: Coop there it is

Ghosts hacked my son’s computer

Check out my friend’s moving Hank Hill impression

“So much for the tolerant left…” Racist says after leftist calls him a racist

Horoscopes

[SATIRE] Wow, thank you: FSA has been providing us with free penicillin in our food!

Horoscopes

Local English major starting to wonder when he’ll be good at writing

[SATIRE] Apple unveils new Water, Earth and Fire properties

Hey anime, I’m straight! Got that?

Horoscopes