Satire

[SATIRE] Women are funny… yeah I said it.

Contributor to The LeaderApril 10, 2024April 9, 2024

April 10, 2024April 9, 2024

MEGAN KIDBY Scallion Editor I believe women are funny despite what Dan Schnieder thinks. In a world teeming with age-old debates, from the existence of extraterrestrial life to the proper way to hang toilet paper, one question continues to perplex and bemuse scholars and comedians alike: are women funny? This......

Scallion

[SATIRE] America…I am NOT Dating Jace Jacobs

Contributor to The LeaderMarch 28, 2024March 26, 2024

March 28, 2024March 26, 2024

MEGAN KIDBY Scallion Editor Dear devoted readers, As a humble reporter, I never thought I’d be thrust into the limelight of love, scandal and the unpredictable world of reality television. Alas, here I am, penning a response to the utterly absurd rumors circulating about my alleged romance with a certain......

Scallion

[SATIRE] Statement Regarding King Charles’s Cancer Diagnosis

Contributor to The LeaderMarch 9, 2024March 4, 2024

March 9, 2024March 4, 2024

THE SCALLION TEAM Princess Diana Enthusiasts ¯\_(ツ)_/¯...

Scallion

[SATIRE] The grave of the Pedro Pastall

Abigail JacobsonFebruary 25, 2024February 19, 2024

February 25, 2024February 19, 2024

ABIGAIL JACOBSON Asst. News Editor ATTENTION! I SAID ATTENTION! According to multiple sources across campus, the Pedro Pascal shrine, AKA the Pedro Pastall, has been reportedly taken down. By whom, you may ask? BY PEDRO PASCAL’S HATERS! Those scoundrels. How dare they take down the shrine I go and pray......

Scallion

[SATIRE] Horoscopes: Which Fredonia inconvenience are you?

Contributor to The LeaderFebruary 11, 2024February 6, 2024

February 11, 2024February 6, 2024

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Scallion

[Scallion]: Jace’s Mom speaks out: An op-ed for The Scallion

Chloe KowalykFebruary 8, 2024February 6, 2024

February 8, 2024February 6, 2024

RUTH JACOBS Guest Scallywag, Jace’s Mom Dearest Gentle Readers, This is an op-ed by the mother of your assistant editor of the Scallion, Mr. Jace Jacobs. First, I would like to defend myself and tell you all that I am a loving and devoted mother to my children, regardless of......

Scallion

[SATIRE] SUNY Unveils Bold New Strategy to Prepare Students for the Real World

Contributor to The LeaderFebruary 7, 2024February 5, 2024

February 7, 2024February 5, 2024

MEGAN KIDBY Scallion Editor In a stunning move that has left students scratching their heads and faculty members questioning their life choices, SUNY has announced a revolutionary plan to overhaul its educational system. Brace yourselves, folks, because SUNY is cutting all programs, effectively transforming itself into a “Program-Free Zone.” In......

Scallion

[SATIRE] My apologies … (not clickbait)

Contributor to The LeaderDecember 9, 2023December 6, 2023

December 9, 2023December 6, 2023

MEGAN KIDBY Scallion Editor *sigh* I’ve made a severe and continuous lapse in my judgment. On November 23, I made a horrible mistake. At around 2:30 p.m. EST, my grandfather entrusted me with the most sacred part of a white person’s Thanksgiving: the macaroni and cheese. Unlike Colleen Ballinger, I......

Scallion

[SATIRE] Horoscopes: What would your sign wear on ‘Let’s Make a Deal’?

Contributor to The LeaderNovember 13, 2023November 13, 2023

November 13, 2023November 13, 2023

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Scallion

[SATIRE] Who will be the next U.S. Senator?

Contributor to The LeaderNovember 12, 2023November 9, 2023

November 12, 2023November 9, 2023

MEGAN KIDBY Scallion Editor Ding dong, Dianne Feinstein is dead! Dianne Feinstein, the 90-year-old former senator, passed away on Sept. 23, 2023 and people fought for her spot on the Senate. Even though Laphonza Butler acquired the spot, she does not intend to permanently fill it. Thus, an opportunity arises. ......

Theater kids are taking over Fredonia

Rating every 2025 Oscar award-winning movie

President Trump signs orders dismantling eight departments

[SATIRE] Fear and Loathing in Talladega: A Journey to Beer-Soaked…

[SCALLION/NEWS] Campus bus leaves students traumatized

[SATIRE/NEWS] Police Notters

Executive Vice President and Provost Dr. David Starrett abruptly leaves…

[SATIRE] Abigail Jacobson, news editor, cancels news

[SCALLION/SPORTS] Volz enlisted to help suffering Sabres

[SCALLION/NEWS] All hail the new era: The Scallion has taken…

[SATIRE] Women are funny… yeah I said it.

[SATIRE] America…I am NOT Dating Jace Jacobs

[SATIRE] Statement Regarding King Charles’s Cancer Diagnosis

[SATIRE] The grave of the Pedro Pastall

[SATIRE] Horoscopes: Which Fredonia inconvenience are you?

[Scallion]: Jace’s Mom speaks out: An op-ed for The Scallion

[SATIRE] SUNY Unveils Bold New Strategy to Prepare Students for the Real World

[SATIRE] My apologies … (not clickbait)

[SATIRE] Horoscopes: What would your sign wear on ‘Let’s Make a Deal’?

[SATIRE] Who will be the next U.S. Senator?