Satire

[SATIRE] Guys, I haven’t gotten COVID-19 yet, and I feel left out >:(

Contributor to The LeaderFebruary 25, 2022February 25, 2022

February 25, 2022February 25, 2022

BRIAN CECALA Scallywag Hey guys, It’s ya boy Brian, local popular writer for the Scallion. It’s been hard these past few years with COVID-19 because everyone keeps getting it, and I haven’t yet! Everyone gets to post fun little stories on their Facebook and cute quarantine photos but not me!......

Scallion

Comic: Snow Shoveling Sabotage

Contributor to The LeaderFebruary 14, 2022February 14, 2022

February 14, 2022February 14, 2022

Created by NICOLE THORSON...

Scallion

[SATIRE] These are my thoughts and you’re going to read them

Contributor to The LeaderDecember 12, 2021December 13, 2021

December 12, 2021December 13, 2021

JAY BYRONStaff Scallywag So, the Scallion, huh? Isn’t it fun? A little silly? Whatever. Anyway, point is, I’m writing some stuff and I don’t care what you think because I’m a little punk. Chicken Fingers. They’re a bit tasty, but you absolutely have to get them from the right place.......

Scallion

[SATIRE] Horoscopes: What leftover candy gives off the same vibe as your sign?

Contributor to The LeaderNovember 15, 2021November 15, 2021

November 15, 2021November 15, 2021

MATTHEW BAUM Editor of the Scallion and Confectionery Connoisseur Aries: You give off big Milky Way energy. You have a tendency to approach things in your life very head-on, and that’s fine, but some will be taken aback by your straightforwardness. Taurus: Alright, now this is interesting! You’re off the......

Scallion

[SATIRE] Join the Scallion, you cowards

Contributor to The LeaderOctober 11, 2021October 11, 2021

October 11, 2021October 11, 2021

MATTHEW BAUM Scallion Editor Hey. HEY. Listen up, I’m only gonna type this once: Write. For. The. Scallion. There is nothing better than taking 45 minutes or less out of your week to write a silly little article that you make up out of thin air for the college newspaper.......

Scallion

Totally true story of the “FRED” sign

Jules HoeptingSeptember 10, 2021September 9, 2021

September 10, 2021September 9, 2021

JULES HOEPTING Managing Editor This is the satire section of the paper, but everything I am about to tell you is totally true — not exaggerated at all. Really. As one of the head editors, I deemed this topic too comical to put in any other section. All summer, I......

Scallion

You’re fully vaxxed now! You can kiss and hold hands!

Contributor to The LeaderMay 17, 2021May 17, 2021

May 17, 2021May 17, 2021

JAY BYRONStaff Scallywag I gotta say, I am so freaking excited to be talking about holding hands without feeling bad about it. I don’t know if anyone else remembers, but I love talking about holding hands and maybe kissing. I especially still hold a love for the Willy C’s silhouettes,......

Scallion

[SATIRE] Congress members found at Ghost Club

Contributor to The LeaderMay 14, 2021May 9, 2021

May 14, 2021May 9, 2021

BRIAN CECALA Staff Scallywag A group of Congress members known for being part of the “America First Caucus” were found gleefully running around in the woods in white costumes. They were frolicking around a fire that had a giant wooden “T” in the middle of it. When asked about why......

Scallion

Catching up with Geraldine, SUNY Fredonia’s first gecko student

Contributor to The LeaderMay 6, 2021May 7, 2021

May 6, 2021May 7, 2021

MATTHEW BAUM Scallion Editor It’s been over a year since we’ve had the luxury of meeting and talking with Geraldine Wilcox and her former roommate, Savannah, and we at the Scallion wanted to hear how this dynamic duo has been handling the 2020-21 school year, given all that’s happened. When......

Scallion

[SATIRE] A list of my NFTs

Contributor to The LeaderMay 1, 2021April 25, 2021

May 1, 2021April 25, 2021

JAY BYRONStaff Scallywag Hey there. Just wanted to post an article showing how absolutely ridiculously baller I am. Unfortunately, I was told I have to actually give you a definition of what an NFT is, and I can hardly even describe it myself despite being the most successful NFT owner......

Theater kids are taking over Fredonia

Rating every 2025 Oscar award-winning movie

President Trump signs orders dismantling eight departments

[SATIRE] Fear and Loathing in Talladega: A Journey to Beer-Soaked…

[SCALLION/NEWS] Campus bus leaves students traumatized

[SATIRE/NEWS] Police Notters

Executive Vice President and Provost Dr. David Starrett abruptly leaves…

[SATIRE] Abigail Jacobson, news editor, cancels news

[SCALLION/SPORTS] Volz enlisted to help suffering Sabres

[SCALLION/NEWS] All hail the new era: The Scallion has taken…

[SATIRE] Guys, I haven’t gotten COVID-19 yet, and I feel left out >:(

Comic: Snow Shoveling Sabotage

[SATIRE] These are my thoughts and you’re going to read them

[SATIRE] Horoscopes: What leftover candy gives off the same vibe as your sign?

[SATIRE] Join the Scallion, you cowards

Totally true story of the “FRED” sign

You’re fully vaxxed now! You can kiss and hold hands!

[SATIRE] Congress members found at Ghost Club

Catching up with Geraldine, SUNY Fredonia’s first gecko student

[SATIRE] A list of my NFTs