ALBERTO GONZALEZ
Staff Scallywag
Monday, Oct. 23, 2017
Uncontrollable screaming was heard coming from outside of the library around 10:30 p.m. Upon investigation, it was discovered the screams were coming from an excited Pokémon Go player who had caught a shiny Sableye.
A large group of squirrels were seen drinking out of a puddle. One frustrated thirsty student began to join them until there was a scuffle between the student and the squirrels over the water. University Police arrived and gave the squirrels a bottle of water.
Tuesday, Oct. 24, 2017
A student was seen marching around campus in what appeared to be a drunken stupor screaming to anyone who would listen about the benefits of drinking the “glorious rain water.” He became combative with people with bottles of water. Medics arrived and sedated him and took him in for treatment for drinking stagnant water.
A report of water bottles being stolen at a high frequency was filed on campus. With some investigating it was discovered that the local squirrel population had been stealing them and puncturing them to drink the water. It was also noted that they all seemed to recycle the bottles.
Wednesday, Oct. 25, 2017
Two freshmen were seen getting into a verbal altercation over the last advising spot on Friday. It was resolved when they were told by their advisor that he did not make their schedules and they couldn’t be advised until they had a schedule mock up already made. They still have not been advised at the time of this publication.
A little girl’s laughing was reported by multiple people in the library around 11:30 p.m.; the closer the laughing the less electronic equipment worked. After investigating the source of the laughing, a small vintage doll was found. It was taken into evidence but has since disappeared.
Two students on campus were caught with open containers. University Police showed up and immediately told them to close their containers so that nothing spilled out.
Thursday, Oct. 26, 2017
A student jokingly told his friend on the way to class that he was glad the bomb threat worked because it meant he got to skip a test. Police were tipped off and the student was taken into custody for questioning. Right as the student was explaining that they did not actually call in the bomb threat, another bomb threat was made, and the student was released.
Friday, Oct. 27, 2017
A party was broken up in Nixon when a student invited her RA to the party. When breaking up the party the RA found four other RAs, an RD and a professor doing a keg stand. The matter is still being looked into.