JACLYN SPIEZIA
Staff Scallywag
Twitchy Squirrel is about 6 in human years, which in squirrel years is equivalent to age 30. But unlike 30-year-old homo sapiens, he isn’t going through a mid-life crisis.
Twitchy is totally unique from other squirrels as his fur is chestnut colored and is mixed with tinges of dark brown, and his tail, which is medium length, is dark brown with tinges of black fur. Even though he is cute and fluffy, he still has not found the one he can give his nuts to.
However, Twitchy is not worried in the slightest, since he says that he is hoping for about four more human years, and currently enjoys being a bachelor. He has previously been seen with a beautiful doe named Sandy, but there is a rumor that she has moved to Bikini Bottom, or something like that.
It hasn’t always been lemon squeezy for this buck. He has recently admitted to having experienced seasonal depression, especially when nuts are hard to find. In fact, when he was just a kit he once got angry with his parents and scurried away to a spot near LoGrasso. Being at LoGrasso helped him to deal with his depression. Twitchy would’ve stayed there, but another squirrel came along and marked it as his territory, so he decided to go back home to his family.
Originally from a tree next to Jewett, Twitchy has just recently branched out away from his family, now that he is an adult. He has described his move as instinctual, and he says that he mostly enjoys chilling outside University Commons. One day, when he finds a mate, Twitchy does aspire to travel to other trees off campus.
As for personality, Twitchy is quite the character. Amongst other squirrels he is well known for his quick, agile movements, which is how he earned the nickname, “Twitchy.” However, he has also recently began to put on some weight what with all the disgusting leftovers from Cranston that he finds in the dumpster. He hopes that in the summer he will work it off.
He noted that his favorite game is “don’t become roadkill,” where he and his squirrel friends stay in the middle of the road while cars are coming, and then move at the last possible second.
Twitchy’s only regret is that he used to assume all humans were out to get him, ever since one college kid tried to shoot him with a BB gun. Now, if a human does see Twitchy, he doesn’t immediately scurry up a tree, but he has admitted that doesn’t think he will ever be into humans petting him.