MATT ANDERSON
Guest Scallywag
Sept. 28, 2018 was marked a historic day for the science community as the first commercial spaceflight, carrying nine passengers from across the world, departed from Cape Canaveral, Florida at 9:30 a.m. EST. SpaceX company, founded by technology tycoon, Elon Musk, launched the DBR Rocket in a search of extraterrestrial life on Mars. The video of the launch was live-streamed on YouTube, Periscope, and Facebook Live, where global citizens could tune in to watch this incredible feat of humankind.
With the majority of viewers coming from the United States and Europe, YouTube and Facebook accounts linked to Flat-Earth conspiracy theorists were watching intently in hopes of finding proof to their theories. As the rocket passed through satellite orbits, it became evidently clear that the Earth was, indeed, spherical.
Officials from the Flat-Earth Society were asked if they plan on changing their name and mission statement given the confirmation. They declined to comment.
Shortly thereafter, a shocking revelation to the world was made midway through the expedition: video cameras aboard the BFR captured footage of Mars, showing the Red Planet was not spherical, but flat. This offers an explanation as to why the Mars Rover, launched November 2011, had suddenly disappeared from Mars. Pictures from the BFR show tire tracks leading to the edge of the planet, indicating that the Mars Rover actually fell off the flat surface.
This raised many questions for astrophysicists around the world. The Leader reached out to famous astrophysicist, Neil Degrasse Tyson for comments.
“The discovery of flat-Mars completely defies our current Laws of Physics,” Tyson exclaimed. “These laws will need to be re-examined and revised as we continue the great adventure through space.”
This also raises new questions for the Trump administration’s newly proposed military branch, the United States Space Force, which is set to launch in 2019. The Leader also reached out to Trump for a comment, but he declined, stating The Leader is “Fake News.”
SpaceX’s discoveries brought new investors into the stock market, with companies to the likes of Tesla and Boeing seeing increases in stock price. Tesla, another company of Elon Musk, had prices skyrocket from $264.72 per share on Sept. 28 to $305.49 on Oct. 1, up $40.77 per share. Boeing, a major aviation manufacturer, reached it’s five-year high of $382.02 per share.
#Flat-Mars was the number one trending hashtag on both Twitter and Instagram. The live coverage on CNN brought in the most viewers of live TV in history, attracting an astounding 37.9 billion viewers. Fox News did not cover the event, as they do not believe in science.
The Leader will continue to update it’s readers, as more discoveries will surely surface.