BRIAN CECALA
Staff Scallywag
A group of Congress members known for being part of the “America First Caucus” were found gleefully running around in the woods in white costumes. They were frolicking around a fire that had a giant wooden “T” in the middle of it.
When asked about why they were meeting, representative Majorie Taylor Greene said, “We’re out here for uhh… Ghost Club. We meet once a week to be haunted spirits in the woods.”
The America First Caucus has been striking up a media storm lately. Many have criticized the group for being a white supremacy dog whistle for their mission statement of protecting “traditional Anglo-Saxon politics.”
The group is also notorious for several members of the Caucus, including Greene, who is too much of a joke to write a satirical quip about, and Matt Gaetz, who is in trouble for saying ketchup isn’t very good on a hot dog.
The members of the caucus held a joint meeting to address several concerns about their Ghost Club. Several media outlets had concerns that Ghost Club has many striking similarities to rituals performed by racist hate group, the Ku Klux Klan.
The group took to the stage to answer questions and respond.
One member of the crowd asked, “Why does the attire of Ghost Club look so similar to KKK robes? Why the pointed head? Why was one member’s robes blue, which is a symbol of authority?”
Matt Gaetz responded: “This is very simple. Our ghosts are meant to be emblematic of our favorite ghost in popular culture, Oogie Boogie from ‘The Nightmare Before Christmas.’ The blue robes were from representative Paul Gosar who had mixed his whites with his colored laundry this week.”
Someone blurted from the audience, “What was the giant flaming ‘T’ for?”
Greene explained, “The ‘T’ stands for our favorite J horror film, ‘The Grudge,’ which is a very scary ghost film.”
The final question they responded to before ending the conference was, “How come when you were found, you were beating up a life-sized doll of a Black person?”
Barry Moore spoke for the group, claiming, “That was our 1:1 size stuffed Jordan Peele doll. We love his movies so much! What you had walked in on us doing was… we were uhh… in the middle of a wrestling game. We take turns wrestling the doll so as to not hurt each other and we come up with backstories for our ghost personas.”
Following the conference, the members took to Twitter to call out the “liberal hate mob” for trying to cancel having fun, as shown below.
Since this sparked much media outrage, the Republican members have banded together to shut down the America First Caucus, claiming, “It just isn’t what America needs right now.”