COREY DALE-MILLER
Guest Scallywag
Neva S. Tapp, a sophomore communication major who had not yet started his English class essay, was last seen playing “Borderlands 3” alone on his couch.
When The Scallion inquired about Tapp’s intention to finish his schoolwork, Tapp noted that “Borderlands 3″ had only just come out on Sept. 13.
“There’s so much to do in the game still,” he said. I will have to be productive if I want to get through the story. If I can give myself just five more minutes to play, I think I can accomplish a lot in that time. Then I will be able to start working on my essay.”
When asked for a comment on Tapp’s character and educational capabilities, Dr. Plise Duwett, a Fredonia English professor, weighed in on the situation.
“Neva has been a consistent and valuable voice during class discussion,” she said. “His insights into the subject matter are thought-provoking and occasionally profound. However, one issue that I see is that Neva never turns in his assignments on time. Neva’s work ethic is a major detriment to how well he can perform in the class, and could stand in the way of his ability to realize his full potential.”
“I know that I can pass this class if I participate and do well on the quizzes.” Tapp said, snoozing the alarm on his five-minute timer. “My professor likes me, and I can bullshit my way through the in-class work. I never had to try in high school, and I certainly don’t intend to start trying now. Perhaps if I switch over to a gun that shoots fire, I’ll be able to get past this boss. I really need to switch something up. I keep failing.”
One hour later, Tapp was quoted as saying, “I know that I have the ability to do well, but I keep coming up short. I recognize that I should be starting my essay, but the game is too important. This is my character’s very future that we are dealing with here. His life is in my hands. Anyway, the assignment guidelines say that the essay is only 10 pages, single-spaced, so I can definitely get it done before tomorrow morning.”
At press time, Tapp was seen switching over to “Super Smash Bros Ultimate.”