[SATIRE] QUIZ: Does Your Crush Like You Back?

MEGAN KIDBY

Scallion Editor

Graphic by KAROLINA GRABOWSKA | Courtesy of Pexels

In my humble editor’s opinion, you really shouldn’t date in college because college people are icky, but if you REALLY want to know if your crush likes you, I suggest taking this quiz! 

Question #1: What is your ideal date?

1. Walking around campus 
2. Picking out a book at the Next Chapter Bookstore
3. (LEGALLY) smoking and watching a movie
4. Singing duets in Mason Hall
5. None of these interest me

Question #2: Pick a song from my September playlist!

1. “Cruel Summer” – Taylor Swift
2. “Zero” – The Smashing Pumpkins
3. “Rush”- Troye Sivan
4. “I’m Just Ken” – Ryan Gosling 
5. None of these are good songs Megan

Question #3: What’s your favorite physical trait in a person?

1. Eyes 
2. Smile
3. Collarbones
4. Hand veins
5. Wow Megan you’re so vain physical traits don’t matter

Question #4: What’s your favorite personality trait in a person?

1. Kindness
2. Intelligence
3. Sense of humor  
4. Creativity
5. Only physical traits matter Megan

Question #5: If you were stranded on an island what one thing/person would you want with you?

1. My crush
2. My phone
3. A book
4. A musical instrument
5. That would never happen Megan 

Question #6: What was your favorite subject in high school?

1. Math 
2. Science
3. History
4. English
5. None of the above

Question #7: Pick you favorite social media site/app

1. TikTok 
2. Instagram
3. Snapchat
4. X (RIP Twitter)
5. I’m not on any social media

IF YOU GOT…

Mostly As: Your Crush absolutely hates you

Oh…um this is embarrassing. Your crush actually despises you. I don’t know how you managed to do that. I really cannot help you with this one. Try harder?

Mostly Bs: YOUR CRUSH LOVES YOU!!

Congrats bestie!! Your crush is actually madly in love with you. Maybe…too in love with you. Make sure to lock your doors and windows. Please take advantage of the blue buttons on campus and purchase a knife. 

Mostly Cs: You’re in the friend zone

I’m sorry hon he just thinks of you as a friend. That’s still something though! Maybe keep talking and see where things lead. Maybe they’ll take off your literal or figurative glasses and find out your true inner beauty. 

Mostly Ds: Your crush likes you back

You did it!! Your crush likes you back. Maybe you should text them and ask them to hang out. I did give you some good date ideas just saying…

Mostly Es: You’re a party pooper

Seriously?? You picked mostly Es? That’s party pooper behavior. You won’t get anyone to date you if you’re this much of a downer.