JACE JACOBS
Assistant Editor of The Scallion, Senior! Graduating! Woohoo!
My dearest Fredheads,
I regret to inform you all that this will be the last time you’ll read my wonderful, beautiful, incredibly accurate, always hilarious horoscopes. Although I am overjoyed to be leaving America’s favorite dog food town, I am so sad to be leaving behind The Leader where I have an excuse to write about the star signs every other week. For this final edition, I wanted to share some life lessons I’ve gathered from the signs and pass them along to you lovely people out there! Bonus: Someone on YikYak told me to stop making these about myself and in response, I’m adding a bonus which is assigning each sign one of my favorite moments from my time at Fredonia.
Aries
Standing up for yourself can be scary, but it’s always worth it to give it a try. More often than not, the result will be positive.
Bonus: Lighting Febreeze on fire “just to see what would happen” with my friends EJ and Luke
Taurus
As a Taurus, I am prone to thinking that I know everything and that I have nothing left to learn. Not true. Like at all. From my sign, I’ve learned that stubbornness is not always a positive thing and that I still need to learn how to utilize it in the right moments.
Bonus: Hosting Easter brunch at my apartment and cooking a beautiful meal that took three hours to make (worth it, I love my friends)
Gemini
First and foremost, I would like to formally say that I was never a Gemini hater, which has been solidified through writing horoscopes for you all. Geminis have taught me not to doubt my creativity, and even when I feel lacking in that specific department, to keep pushing through with the foresight that a creative spark will find me again.
Bonus: Performing with Premium Blend at Chilloween 2023 in my “I’m Just Ken” costume
Cancer
In my experience, Cancers tend to be highly sensitive people, and I’m beginning to learn that that isn’t a bad thing. Embracing one’s sensitive side can be a challenge, and it’s one I think we can all learn to embrace!
Bonus: Being brought to the pier for my 20th birthday so I could sit in the wind (like a dog)
Leo
Leos love the spotlight and tend to love attention, which is something I am also learning to embrace. Although I received a lot of attention this year because of The Bachelor, it wasn’t something I was prepared for, nor was it something I particularly enjoyed. But I’m learning that it’s okay to accept attention when it’s the time and place for it!
Bonus: My first-ever PowerPoint Night, in which I made a case for why I would make a great Dictator of Cuba
Virgo
Virgos are free-spirits, and like Virgos, I’m learning to embrace my weird side and not be ashamed of it. It’s easier said than done, and I seriously respect all Virgos who have mastered their weird side!
Bonus: The Leader’s TikTok street-reporting sensation, Scallion On The Street, which we really should have done more of
Libra
The biggest lesson I’ve taken from Libra is how to balance being friendly without being taken advantage of. It’s a lifelong skill to learn, and I’m a work-in-progress, but I’m happy to be on the ride!
Bonus: Attending a (fake) wedding where my best friends got married
Scorpio
In my experience, Scorpio is a polarizing sign mostly because they’re unwilling to be told what to do. I crave that kind of independence and am happy to be learning that lesson thanks to Scorpio.
Bonus: My accidental twelve-hour layover at the beginning of my J-Term study abroad trip
Sagittarius
As one of the most optimistic signs, Sagittariuses have taught me to lean into putting a positive spin on every tough situation I encounter. Although that’s much easier said than done, I appreciate having the idea of optimism always in the back of my mind.
Bonus: Late night karaoke sessions with my friends Josiah and Lizzie after hours in RAC our freshman year
Capricorn
I have always seen Capricorns as uptight and too serious, but in delving more into their personalities, I’ve learned that the uptightness that I saw was due to incredible self-discipline and determination. I feel inspired by Capricorns to restructure my life in order to implement self-discipline practices.
Bonus: Getting a month off of school in my sophomore year (I had pneumonia and bronchitis back to back, not as cool as it sounds)
Aquarius
Aquarius is a sign I never really understood until I started writing horoscopes. I love how open and trustworthy Aquarians tend to be, and the optimism they have seemed to gain from that has encouraged me to start lowering my defenses and letting more people into my life.
Bonus: My friends Georgia and Hattie forcing me to watch all of the Twilight movies our freshman year (I hate to admit it but I loved them)
Pisces
I have always loved Pisces, and despite the bad rap they seem to get for being overly dramatic and hyper-emotional, I think that’s a strength. I want to be as in tune with my emotions as Pisces are, and I don’t think the overdramatic label really suits this sign at all. They’re locked in on their own emotional needs, and I admire that a lot!
Bonus: When I had a breakdown in the park on my 21st birthday