MEGAN KIDBY
Scallion Editor
Hi. It’s me. Megan Kidby. Editor of The Scallion, SUNY Fredonia’s premier source for occasionally funny campus satire. And I am writing to you today with a very serious, very desperate plea:
Please. For the love of caffeine and creative writing, join The Scallion. I cannot keep doing this alone.
When I took over this humble corner of The Leader, I envisioned a bustling writers’ room, overflowing with clever quips, biting wit and the occasional heated debate over whether squirrels or the vending machines posed a greater threat to campus security.
Instead, it’s me. Just me.
Alone in a Word doc at 2 a.m. hallucinating punchlines and arguing with myself over whether “Soupapalooza” counts as breaking news.
Have you ever tried to write five fake news stories in one week while juggling classes, a social life and a caffeine addiction that could floor a moose?
I have. It’s not glamorous. It’s not healthy. I’m 23 and my spine sounds like a microwave popcorn bag.
I didn’t get into satire journalism for the glory. I did it for the people. The people who deserve to know about ghost hauntings in Reed Library, underground tunnels connecting Kasling to the moon and the university’s alleged plan to replace Blue Devil mascot Freddie with a sentient robot funded by PepsiCo.
But I need help.
I need fellow weirdos with a new Microsoft email account and too many opinions about campus squirrels.
I need someone to brainstorm headlines like “Registrar’s Office Declares Time Is Fake, Cancels Finals” or “Student Claims Einstein’s Ghost Helped With Physics Homework.”
I need… you.
No experience? Perfect. No sense of shame? Even better. Can you string together a sentence and tolerate my excessive use of em dashes? You’re hired.
Join The Scallion. Save my sanity. Save the satire. Save Fredonia’s only semi-trustworthy news outlet from becoming “The Sad Solo Rantings of Megan K.”
Please. My Word docs are crying.
Megan Kidby