PHYLLIS T. CUPP
Lampoonist
Much controversy has recently surrounded the decision to defund Planned Parenthood. The organization is well-known for its abortion services — though those services are only 3 percent of all that Planned Parenthood offers.
Now that the almost $600 million organization has been defunded by the GOP, where is the money going to go?
“Well, we all know how our military is struggling,” said Defence Intelligence Cost Keeper Marley Thalweppins. “So instead of helping preserve women’s lives, we’re going to spend that money on destroying other people’s lives.”
The news that the Planned Parenthood funding would go to defense spending didn’t come as a shock to many people, considering that the defense industry only spends 1,000 times more money than the sexually transmitted disease prevention and education center.
“We just want to be, like, super safe, instead of just the normal amount of safety prior to the reattribution of funds,” Thalweppins continued.
Other male members of the GOP also think this is a great idea.
Ben Carson, the republican candidate for president, now famous for saying that a Muslim person has no right being president, also believes that women don’t deserve to be treated fairly in our society — and let’s not even talk about Donald Trump or Jeb Bush.
Protester Amy Stake, who has sat outside legislative halls for the last five weeks, said, “This is why we need comprehensive sexual education in schools; if more people actually understood what Planned Parenthood does and why it is necessary, we wouldn’t be having this discussion now.”
Apparently, all the rich white men in our government aren’t seeing eye-to-eye.