- EMMO
Special to the Lampoon
Students demand the truth. They won’t stand for the lies and deception anymore.
The cause of this commotion? “Netflix and chill.”
If you have never used the internet before, “Netflix and chill” is defined by knowyourmeme.com as a slang term that refers to inviting a person over with sexual intentions. The phrase is highly misleading and shows up on all sorts of social media and image sharing sites, spreading unclean thoughts into the minds of the population.
As a Puritan university that has a deep love for both chilling and watching Netflix, Fredonia is completely appalled by the devious term that stains the honest reputation of lazing around and binge watching TV shows that have been off the air for well over five years.
An anonymous yakker has expressed the outrage that Fredonia students have felt over the “Netflix and chill” infestation.
“This whole ‘Netflix and chill’ ruined it for the people who actually like to chill and watch Netflix,” said an anonymous user on YikYak.
There was a time when people said what they meant and meant what they said. A time when clean, pure minds didn’t turn everything into a sexual double entendre. When “choking the chicken” was good old fashioned animal abuse and not a filthy sin committed by disgusting males who have no self control or dignity.
The glory days are over.
Sexual deviancy, unchastity and corruption have been running rampant. The fight against evil will be lost, along with the last hope for humanity unless YOU put an end to it. YOU can follow in the footsteps of the stunning and brave hero that commented recently on YikYak and express your distaste for this abomination.
With the combined effort of the entire campus, Fredonia can eradicate this plague and one day the dream of “Netflix and chill” actually meaning what it implies could become a reality.