EMMO
Staff Lampoonist
Recently the World Health Organization announced that processed meat is classified as a carcinogen on par with tobacco use. This news has raised major health concerns nationwide.
While the rest of the United States is still figuring out how to handle the issue, Fredonia has reacted swiftly. As a continued effort to provide a healthier environment for students and professors alike, administration has decided to make Fredonia officially meat-free.
Fredonia’s concern for campus health is nothing new — last year it announced it was going to be tobacco-free. Many opposed the change but the school did not back down.
Skeptics may say that the tobacco-free policy change hasn’t cut down on the number of smokers and other tobacco users. Outside the McEwen Library one may see hundreds of cigarette butts or smell the secondhand smoke of defiant students on a regular basis. The policy may or may not be enforced very strictly (for better or worse), but it shows how much Fredonia values the health of those on campus.
The new meat-free policy exemplifies the concerned attitude of Fredonia. The school has cut all meat from its menus and is encouraging students to try meatless diets until safer options are available. If you have FredFunds you have nothing to worry about — you can use your debit to buy all the cancer-causing bacon, burgers and steak that you want off campus.
Those who have only meal plans also have some options. You can hunt the squirrels on campus and cook them in a delicious stew. There are also frogs, worms and birds that you can use to make a variety of meat-based recipes. You can kill two birds with one stone by taking out that annoying roommate or suitemate who has ruined every hook-up you’ve ever had and always makes you feel extremely uncomfortable. Make sure to feed him/her your leftover Halloween candy to make your meal extra juicy.
You may think that it’s stupid for Fredonia to decide what students can and cannot eat. So what if meat causes cancer? It’s your choice, right? Studies have shown that not only does meat cause cancer for the one consuming it, but there are secondhand effects that can cause cancer to those around the meateater.
So next time you eat a cheeseburger, be aware of people around you that may be affected by your poor choices. Think of the children. Would you want someone giving you cancer just because they can’t step off campus while eating their chicken finger sub? Of course not.
Some students will not follow the new policy, just like those who currently do not follow the tobacco-free policy. But in time it will make a difference. When a major issue is put right in the forefront and dealt with head on, people cannot ignore it; that’s what creates change. Fredonia hopes the policy spreads awareness to the campus so that students and professors can make healthier decisions.