RILEY STRAW
Lampoon Editor
Dr. David Herman has had a long history with Fredonia. Last year, he received quite a bit of heat for cancelling “Fref Fest,” and sources say he has not lived down the embarrassment.
“I didn’t realize how hurtful Fredonia students can be,” said his secretary Piper Filer. “Ever since he cancelled FREDFest, people couldn’t see past the huge, immense mistake. I mean, a truly terrible mistake.
“People should really look past the fact that small businesses in Fredonia, over the first weekend in May, will inevitably see thousands of dollars less in profit over the next few years.
“People should forget that the real reason that Fred Fest was cancelled was to decrease the amount of money the institution spent booking acts and extracurricular activities during that weekend, thus leaving more money for Herman himself,” Filer continued. “Fredonia students and patrons should stop thinking about all that and see that he feels really bad.”
Other people aren’t so sure that Herman feels bad. Pierre Preshor, of Fredonia’s public relation department, said that the multiple times Herman has been seen publicly weeping on campus have merely been photo ops.
“He wants people to think that he’s really upset about leaving Fredonia,” Preshor said. “Little do they know that he’s just upset that Fredonia won’t be adding any more to his pension.”
With Herman gone, however, many students have started to speculate that FREDFest will be returning in the Spring ’17 semester.
“I’d totally invite Dr. Herm to my FREDFest party,” said off-campus junior Peppy Nerstep. “I don’t even get why he cancelled FREDFest. I saw him at Sunny’s last year going wild.”
True, all of this is speculation. But one can’t help but wonder why FREDFest was really cancelled, and why Herman is leaving Fredonia behind.