MISSY FEOLA
Staff Lampoonist
It first started off as “Swish,” then became “Waves,” but finally, on Feb. 13, Kanye West’s album “The Life of Pablo,” was released to the public. By the public, of course, we mean the very miniscule percentage of the population that is subscribed to the music streaming service Tidal and the much larger percentage that illegally downloaded it.
Kanye sends many important messages through “The Life of Pablo.” The album takes off with “Ultralight Beam,” a track about the beam of light that emanates from Kanye’s eyes when you look at him. This is why many people look at the floor when face-to-face with Kanye: Those who are below him in status cannot handle the power of his light. Half-way through the song, Kanye performs an exorcism, ridding the album of all of the devils that once lived inside of him.
Rihanna makes an appearance in the album with the song “Famous,” where Kanye raps about all of the women he’s had sex with and how he is the reason they were made famous. Simply touching Kanye, after all, will make one famous.
“Freestyle 4” begins with the symphonically angelic sound of … barking? Or is that grunting? We do not know, but it is a glorious sound. There is currently nothing to be said about the lyrics of this track.
The track “I Love Kanye” is about why Kanye loves Kanye and why everyone should love Kanye, but that the new Kanye misses the old Kanye. This is probably the deepest track on the album.
Ocean waves are used as a metaphor for Kanye’s strength and power in the track “Waves,” featuring Chris Brown. Kanye is the ocean. Kanye is the air around us. Kanye is life.
“Real Friends,” featuring Ty Dolla $ign, is a truly heart-wrenching piece. A tale is told about how one time Kanye’s friend stole his laptop, and so Kanye paid him $250,000 to get it back from him. This song clearly showcases the array of healthy and stable relationships that Kanye has in his life, and we can learn a thing or two from him. Friendship is mainly about money; this we all know to be true. So why not steal your friend’s laptops to make a quick buck? It’s a good philosophy to live by.
Kanye gets in touch with his spirit animal in the song “Wolves,” featuring Chris Brown. According to some of the most credible anthropologists in the world, Kanye was a wolf in a past life. Chris Brown, on other other hand, used to be a snail.
The track “30 Hours” is a song that lasts 30 hours. For the entire length of this track, Kanye raps continuously about why he is God. If you can make it through the entire song successfully, Kanye will send you a hologram of himself, thanking you personally for taking the time to witness his genius.
“Facts” is a track that lists facts about Kanye, including how many women he’s slept with (36,543), his frequent consideration of becoming a male porn star, his father’s middle name and much more. Everyone would benefit from listening to this track. It will give you something interesting to talk about at your next family party.
This album is definitely worth a listen if you want to experience exorcisms, earth-shattering noises and ear-splitting yelps of nonsense. But somehow, someway, all of it makes total and complete sense. As Kanye said himself, he is the “greatest living artist and greatest artist of all time.”
Donate today to Kanye West’s GoFundMe page, www.gofundme.com/kanyesmedicis. You will be a better person for it and help keep the spirit of his music alive.