EMMA PATTERSON
Staff Lampoonist
It seems Hillary Clinton isn’t Donald Trump’s only competition this election season. After Alec Baldwin’s spot-on impersonation of the Republican Presidential nominee in the season 42 premiere of “Saturday Night Live,” Trump supporters everywhere have abandoned their leader in favor of Baldwin’s “more bigly” version of Trump. Scared and confused, the Lampoon caught up with some of these ex-Trump supporters at last week’s Baldwin Rally in an effort to figure out what the hell was going on.
“As soon as he walked onto the stage, I knew,” said one woman. “He’s truly the most presidential looking man-thing I’d ever seen, and probably will ever see.” She merely shook her head when we tried to explain that Baldwin was an actor.
“He just glowed up on that stage,” she said, her eyes bugging out slightly. “Like … his face. It radiated brilliance. I saw him and I thought, ‘This is the man I want handling nuclear codes.”
Terrifyingly, this woman was only one of many spirited and semi-drunk Baldwin supporters at the rally.
“It’s like Baldwin knows what I’m thinking,” one man shout-spoke, his face inexplicably covered in barbeque sauce. “One second, I’m sitting in my recliner, thinking, ‘You know, someone has to be held accountable for the mess this country is in,’ and then I turn on the TV and Baldwin was talking about how it’s all Jina’s fault. Well, it all made a lot of sense to me.”
When prompted as to what his opinion was of the end of the fake debate, he simply shrugged and said, “I had to change the channel. Diners, Drive Ins and Dives was on.”
Baldwin supporters, if anything, are certainly loyal to their new leader.
“People say he looks constipated most of the time,” one particularly orange-faced man said, his sandy hair unconvincingly covered with a “Make America Bald-WIN Again” hat. “But he’s not. His brain is just so clogged with ideas, you know; good ideas, too, but they’re secret, he can’t tell you.”
This mysterious man who seemingly had trouble forming a complete sentence was clearly one of Baldwin’s biggest supporters.
“He has the best temperament,” he said of Baldwin, who, we feel the need to remind the reader, was literally impersonating Donald Trump.
Baldwin recently released a statement in which he emphasized his detachment from the actual election.
“I was playing a part, people,” he said, looking acutely terrified. “Please don’t do this. I’m just an actor. I’m not qualified for this!”