BIRGER VANWESENBEECK
Special to The Scallion
Since 2016, Fredonia’s Lanford House has regularly hosted international cookouts where Fredonia faculty share recipes from their respective international cuisines with colleagues.
Previous editions of the very successful series have focused on India, Paraguay, Italy, Turkey and Brazil. Now Fredonia is taking the series to a whole new level by focusing its next cooking demo on the very latest country in the world: Nambia.
After President Trump stunned African leaders at a meeting last week with his referral to the hitherto unknown country of “Nambia,” Fredonia’s administrators were quick to seize the moment. Dr. Okonkwo Fadi, an Assistant Professor in the Department Africana Studies and Online Learning and a native of Nambia, will be leading the upcoming cooking demo.
Dr. Fadi was elated that news of his country had finally gotten out.
“This is an important moment for me and my fellow Nambians,” he said to reporters of The Leader, “I want to thank President Trump. This is what America is all about. Planting new nations around the world. This is why I came to this country. By cooking Nambian food for my colleagues, I hope to be able to give something back. I hope that many of you will be able to come.”
Dr. Fadi’s words of praise for President Trump were echoed by Dr. Kowal, from Fredonia’s History Department.
“This is truly an important moment. No new region has been founded by an American president since Andrew Jackson forced Native Americans into reservations. This is huge. HUGE!” he said.
On Twitter, President Trump typed, “Hey, it’s what we do. America founds new nations. We are a nation of fondling fathers. Without America there would be no Iraq or Afghanistan. I’m thankful for the people of Nambia. They are really great people.”
President Trump first learned about Nambia when re-reading “Heart of Darkness,” one of his favorite books. “I came upon this passage, where the main character, Kurt Cobain, wrote in his diary, ‘Kill all the Brutes but save the Nambians.’ This really got me thinking, who are these Nambians that he’s talking about? Ought they to be saved?” Trump said.
The passage had thus far eluded the attention of literary scholars.
“I’m thankful that we have a President who is such an excellent reader. This certainly offers us a Newer Historicist reading of the play and I will make sure to incorporate it into my classes next week,” said Dr. Korzienewski, from Fredonia’s English Department.
The people of Nambia, meanwhile, responded with an official press release saying that they would be happy to help fund Trump’s wall should the Mexicans choose to let him down.
After being asked what food he would be serving at the upcoming cooking demo, Dr. Fadi explained that Nambian cuisine offers a curious fusion of traditional African food and Western New York delicacies.
“Prior to cooking, faculty and students will be catching their own grasshoppers in the Lanford House garden. Then we will fry them in oil and serve them with blue cheese,” he said.