[SATIRE] Heartwarming: Fredonia student remembers to call their parents for their birthday
MATTHEW BAUMScallion Editor Haha, sike!Here’s the deal. When I came up with this article idea, I was thinking, “Oh, this is such a funny idea, what a low bar!”Ironically, I forgot last week that it was, actually, literally, my mother’s birthday. I did not call her. I didn’t even mail......
[SATIRE] Join the Scallion, save your soul
MATTHEW BAUM Scallion Editor Hark, all you who stumble upon this page! It is I, a mere pawn to the Scallion Eternal, and I come bearing the opportunity of a lifetime. I have been sent forward to you! You who would capture the spirit of levity in your mind and......
[SATIRE] Horoscopes: The signs as back to school things
ALYSSA BUMP Editor in Chief Which back to school thing are you based on your astrological sign? Aries: Post-It notes for your so-called to-do lists. Taurus: A green apple smelly pencil that loses its scent in 24 hours. You disgust me. Gemini: A Jansport backpack to hide all of your......
[SATIRE] Horoscopes: Which SUNY Fredonia building are you?
JAY BYRONStaff Scallywag Hey, incoming students! You’re here because you’re pretty cool. So, I’m making this Scallion article JUST for you (not because Matt asked me to). Welcome to Horoscopes! Aries: McEwen Hall, because everyone loves your reliability. <3 Taurus: Grissom Hall, because you’re loveable at first, but then people......
Elon Musk does stupid crap so regularly, we’ve made a MadLibs-style article to cover him
MATTHEW BAUMScallion Editor Elon Musk is not new to criticism. In his time as a public figure and the wealthiest person on the face of the planet, he has regularly made waves in the media by not realizing the responsibility he has as a public figure and the wealthiest person......
Megan’s Movie Corner: Jordan Peele’s “Nope”
MEGAN KIDBY Guest Scallywag Welcome to Megan’s Movie Corner. In this article, and hopefully other articles, I’m going to describe to you a movie that hasn’t been released yet based on the trailer or trailers that have been released. In today’s article I’m going to describe to you the movie......
“FRED” sign’s rough life in photos
JULES HOEPTING Former Managing Editor Ah, the FRED sign. An endless source of entertainment. I’ve written about it before, and I’m writing about it one last time. Late June 2021, four huge gray capital sans-serif letters spelling the word “FRED” appeared in front of the Williams Center. The sign was......
Comics for Finals Week
“A Cat Named Finals” by Ash Maloney “I’d Rather Be…” by Patch Parsons...
[SATIRE] Hillary Clinton inspires wave of theatrical inspiration
BRIAN CECALA Staff Scallywag Fans of the iconic feminist and political leader Hillary Rodham Clinton may be surprised that she can add a new title… Theater super-star! After conceding the 2016 election, there were rumors floating around that she had been taking acting classes in her free time. Well, not......