The Scallion - Page 16 of 84 - The Leader, SUNY Fredonia's student-run newspaper

[SATIRE] Congress members found at Ghost Club

Contributor to The LeaderMay 14, 2021May 9, 2021

May 14, 2021May 9, 2021

BRIAN CECALA Staff Scallywag A group of Congress members known for being part of the “America First Caucus” were found gleefully running around in the woods in white costumes. They were frolicking around a fire that had a giant wooden “T” in the middle of it. When asked about why......

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Horoscopes

Contributor to The LeaderMay 10, 2021May 9, 2021

May 10, 2021May 9, 2021

HANNAH BLIDY Staff Scallywag the signs as stuff in fredonia aries: Sunny’s taurus: strawberry lemonade from Starbucks gemini: Uppercrust cancer: Reed Library leo: the clock tower virgo: Canadaway Street libra: overpriced sweatshirt at the bookstore scorpio: Muldoon’s sagittarius: Tuscany capricorn: the F in Fredonia that got stolen that one time ......

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[SATIRE] Fredonia student starting squirrel club

Jules HoeptingMay 9, 2021May 16, 2021

May 9, 2021May 16, 2021

JULES HOEPTING Design Editor Jodee Doe was sipping on coffee on the Starbucks patio when she beheld a sight that inspired her: a squirrel perched on a bicycle while consuming bread. The squirrel’s fascinating behavior reminded Doe of her friend, John Smith, who chose to attend Cornell University over SUNY......

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Catching up with Geraldine, SUNY Fredonia’s first gecko student

Contributor to The LeaderMay 6, 2021May 7, 2021

May 6, 2021May 7, 2021

MATTHEW BAUM Scallion Editor It’s been over a year since we’ve had the luxury of meeting and talking with Geraldine Wilcox and her former roommate, Savannah, and we at the Scallion wanted to hear how this dynamic duo has been handling the 2020-21 school year, given all that’s happened. When......

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[SATIRE] A list of my NFTs

Contributor to The LeaderMay 1, 2021April 25, 2021

May 1, 2021April 25, 2021

JAY BYRONStaff Scallywag Hey there. Just wanted to post an article showing how absolutely ridiculously baller I am. Unfortunately, I was told I have to actually give you a definition of what an NFT is, and I can hardly even describe it myself despite being the most successful NFT owner......

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Police Notters (Relatable Style)

Contributor to The LeaderApril 29, 2021April 29, 2021

April 29, 2021April 29, 2021

BRIAN CECALA Staff Scallywag University Police understands that tensions between police and civilians are at an all-time high. The Fredonia police wanted to make the notters something we can all enjoy. So for today’s edition of the notters, the team decided to add some memes into the reports to spice......

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[SATIRE] Amid director’s cut fad, “Seinfeld” cut rumors raise eyebrows

Contributor to The LeaderApril 28, 2021April 28, 2021

April 28, 2021April 28, 2021

MATTHEW BAUM Editor of the Scallion and “Seinfeld” Aficionado Big news broke last week as Jerry Seinfeld threw his hat into the ring of speculative extended cuts of cultural milestones. Seinfeld, best known for his role as Barry B. Benson in the hit 2007 film, “Bee Movie” announced that he......

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Horoscopes

Leader AdSenseApril 26, 2021April 26, 2021

April 26, 2021April 26, 2021

HANNAH BLIDY Staff Scallywag How the signs spend their mental health days aries: definitely not the homework they’ve been meaning to do since week 2 taurus: listening to chug jug with you 12 hour version gemini: playing modded minecraft for the entire day, only stopping to piss and eat pizza......

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I need to apologize…

Contributor to The LeaderApril 23, 2021April 23, 2021

April 23, 2021April 23, 2021

BRIAN CECALA Staff Scallywag I did an oopsie guys. The article I posted about things in Fredonia that would kill Prince Philip went up on April 8. The following day he died of unknown circumstances. The legal statement from the Scallion says this is strictly coincidental, and the article did......

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[SATIRE] Finding (and kissing?) the Mason arsonist! Hot drama!

Contributor to The LeaderApril 23, 2021April 23, 2021

April 23, 2021April 23, 2021

JAY BYRONStaff Scallywag In case you didn’t know, in 2019 someone was setting fire to Mason Hall garbage cans. From my understanding, and from the police blotters (not the Scallion ones but those work too for the most accurate police blotters), they reported at least five fires started in Mason.......

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[SATIRE] Horoscopes: Which New Year’s resolution is right for you?

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5th Quarter Column: Chapter Four

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[SATIRE] Congress members found at Ghost Club

Horoscopes

[SATIRE] Fredonia student starting squirrel club

Catching up with Geraldine, SUNY Fredonia’s first gecko student

[SATIRE] A list of my NFTs

Police Notters (Relatable Style)

[SATIRE] Amid director’s cut fad, “Seinfeld” cut rumors raise eyebrows

Horoscopes

I need to apologize…

[SATIRE] Finding (and kissing?) the Mason arsonist! Hot drama!