The Scallion - Page 16 of 85 - The Leader, SUNY Fredonia's student-run newspaper

Tall tale: The silent driver

Contributor to The LeaderOctober 30, 2021November 2, 2021

October 30, 2021November 2, 2021

OLIVIA CLAMP Special to The Leader It is Jonathan’s last night in Gettysburg, Pennsylvania, so he and his friends decide to have a rowdy last night bar hopping around the city. The humid August air hits Jonathan as he leaves the pub. He will not be visiting for another few......

Scallion

[SATIRE] Horoscopes (10.19.2021)

Contributor to The LeaderOctober 29, 2021October 29, 2021

October 29, 2021October 29, 2021

JAY BYRONStaff Scallywag Hi guys this is my first time writing horoscopes so please be kind. However you must BE AWARE. I know a lot. How close the signs are to losing their marbles this week and what you can do to prevent it: Aries: not close to losing your......

Scallion

True terror: Unhuman faces in the dark

Contributor to The LeaderOctober 28, 2021October 29, 2021

October 28, 2021October 29, 2021

KATHERINE HILTON Special to The Leader According to the author, all of the story is true and none of the pictures have been altered from their original form. In May of 2021, my best friends and I were staying at Allegheny State park in one of the old rentable cabins.......

Scallion

A Message To The CEO Of Kellogg’s

Contributor to The LeaderOctober 26, 2021October 26, 2021

October 26, 2021October 26, 2021

OLIVIA SYLVESTER Guest Scallywag Really? You’re going to reject my proposal? Do you know how hard I’ve worked on this? How long have I spent? All I want is for the Kellogg’s Froot Loop cereal straws to be brought back. I’ve dedicated my life to this cause. Now this may......

Scallion

The menace that munches: What we know about the new local groundhog

Jules HoeptingOctober 22, 2021October 22, 2021

October 22, 2021October 22, 2021

MATTHEW BAUM Editor of The Scallion It’s no surprise to me that we have invasive operatives amongst us. What!? We live in a perfect society where nobody has special interests in our college student lives!? In your wildest dreams! No, it makes perfect sense to me that there are forces......

Scallion

[SATIRE] What’s that, Fredonia? What do YOU think about musical theatre majors?

Contributor to The LeaderOctober 11, 2021October 11, 2021

October 11, 2021October 11, 2021

JAY BYRONStaff Scallywag Lean Man Mamanda Junior American history “not throwing away my shot” major. “Generally speaking, they blow us all away. Wait for it — history has its eyes on you. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine.” (Scallywag note: I threw up after speaking to him.)......

Scallion

[SATIRE] Join the Scallion, you cowards

Contributor to The LeaderOctober 11, 2021October 11, 2021

October 11, 2021October 11, 2021

MATTHEW BAUM Scallion Editor Hey. HEY. Listen up, I’m only gonna type this once: Write. For. The. Scallion. There is nothing better than taking 45 minutes or less out of your week to write a silly little article that you make up out of thin air for the college newspaper.......

Scallion

Time isn’t real and we are accelerating into Hell

Contributor to The LeaderOctober 11, 2021October 11, 2021

October 11, 2021October 11, 2021

BRIAN CECALA Staff Scallywag I was going to write an article about Gavin Newsom and the California recall but it’s been less than a week and it’s already not relevant to the news cycle anymore. The human conscious experience has accelerated to only remembering things that happened in the last......

Scallion

[SATIRE] Why I’m pissed we have to wear masks

Contributor to The LeaderSeptember 16, 2021September 16, 2021

September 16, 2021September 16, 2021

JAY BYRONStaff Scallywag If you live in the United States, or maybe even other places, I’m sure you’ve heard we have to wear masks. This mandate has been in place for a while and it’s caused a bit of a stir. Well, I’ve been ruminating; I don’t think it’s a......

Scallion Uncategorized

[SATIRE] I’m going to lose my marbles: My journey from one job to the next

Contributor to The LeaderSeptember 16, 2021September 21, 2021

September 16, 2021September 21, 2021

MATTHEW BAUM Editor to the Scallion For many of us here at SUNY Fredonia, this summer was a trial. Our collective patience, strength and mental fortuity was tested day in or day out. I understand this exhausting feat firsthand, as I served as a camp counselor in the middle of......

Theater kids are taking over Fredonia

Rating every 2025 Oscar award-winning movie

President Trump signs orders dismantling eight departments

[SATIRE] Fear and Loathing in Talladega: A Journey to Beer-Soaked…

[SCALLION/NEWS] Campus bus leaves students traumatized

[SATIRE/NEWS] Police Notters

Executive Vice President and Provost Dr. David Starrett abruptly leaves…

[SATIRE] Abigail Jacobson, news editor, cancels news

[SCALLION/SPORTS] Volz enlisted to help suffering Sabres

[SCALLION/NEWS] All hail the new era: The Scallion has taken…

Tall tale: The silent driver

[SATIRE] Horoscopes (10.19.2021)

True terror: Unhuman faces in the dark

A Message To The CEO Of Kellogg’s

The menace that munches: What we know about the new local groundhog

[SATIRE] What’s that, Fredonia? What do YOU think about musical theatre majors?

[SATIRE] Join the Scallion, you cowards

Time isn’t real and we are accelerating into Hell

[SATIRE] Why I’m pissed we have to wear masks

[SATIRE] I’m going to lose my marbles: My journey from one job to the next