The Scallion - Page 17 of 85 - The Leader, SUNY Fredonia's student-run newspaper

Police Notters (Relatable Style)

Contributor to The LeaderApril 29, 2021April 29, 2021

April 29, 2021April 29, 2021

BRIAN CECALA Staff Scallywag University Police understands that tensions between police and civilians are at an all-time high. The Fredonia police wanted to make the notters something we can all enjoy. So for today’s edition of the notters, the team decided to add some memes into the reports to spice......

Scallion

[SATIRE] Amid director’s cut fad, “Seinfeld” cut rumors raise eyebrows

Contributor to The LeaderApril 28, 2021April 28, 2021

April 28, 2021April 28, 2021

MATTHEW BAUM Editor of the Scallion and “Seinfeld” Aficionado Big news broke last week as Jerry Seinfeld threw his hat into the ring of speculative extended cuts of cultural milestones. Seinfeld, best known for his role as Barry B. Benson in the hit 2007 film, “Bee Movie” announced that he......

Scallion

Horoscopes

Leader AdSenseApril 26, 2021April 26, 2021

April 26, 2021April 26, 2021

HANNAH BLIDY Staff Scallywag How the signs spend their mental health days aries: definitely not the homework they’ve been meaning to do since week 2 taurus: listening to chug jug with you 12 hour version gemini: playing modded minecraft for the entire day, only stopping to piss and eat pizza......

Scallion

I need to apologize…

Contributor to The LeaderApril 23, 2021April 23, 2021

April 23, 2021April 23, 2021

BRIAN CECALA Staff Scallywag I did an oopsie guys. The article I posted about things in Fredonia that would kill Prince Philip went up on April 8. The following day he died of unknown circumstances. The legal statement from the Scallion says this is strictly coincidental, and the article did......

Scallion

[SATIRE] Finding (and kissing?) the Mason arsonist! Hot drama!

Contributor to The LeaderApril 23, 2021April 23, 2021

April 23, 2021April 23, 2021

JAY BYRONStaff Scallywag In case you didn’t know, in 2019 someone was setting fire to Mason Hall garbage cans. From my understanding, and from the police blotters (not the Scallion ones but those work too for the most accurate police blotters), they reported at least five fires started in Mason.......

Scallion

[SATIRE] What is hiding inside of Thompson Hall? An investigation

Contributor to The LeaderApril 19, 2021April 19, 2021

April 19, 2021April 19, 2021

JAY BYRONStaff Scallywag While many of Fredonia’s mysteries may remain that way for a while, (the list goes on, but I’ll just quietly mention the Mason arsonist so I don’t have to talk about the dog food smell) I have one that I solved through the course of one day.......

Scallion

Stop saying I look like Jonah Hill 😡

Contributor to The LeaderApril 14, 2021April 12, 2021

April 14, 2021April 12, 2021

BRIAN CECALA Staff Scallywag Hi guys, it’s me, Brian Cecala, local hero and writer for the Scallion. I was pawing through my fan mail recently (which I get a LOT of) and I noticed a trend. Lots of you guys write in to give me admiration and praise for my......

Scallion

[SATIRE] People need to be nicer to Jeff Bezos. He has money

Contributor to The LeaderApril 9, 2021April 9, 2021

April 9, 2021April 9, 2021

JAY BYRONStaff Scallywag I’ve noticed a trend going around on the Twitters and the TikToks. I’m giving you a warning now: it’s a little disturbing. It’s called… “Eat the rich.” I think they’re referring to Jeff Bezos, since he is… the rich. I’m here to give my opinion on that......

Scallion

[SATIRE] Things at Fredonia that would probably kill Prince Philip

Contributor to The LeaderApril 8, 2021April 9, 2021

April 8, 2021April 9, 2021

BRIAN CECALA Staff Scallywag [EDITOR’S NOTE: This article was written a week before and published a day before Prince Philip died. The timing was not intentional, and The Leader staff expresses its best wishes to the royal family.] Prince Philip looks like he’s just barely hanging in there. Google him,......

Scallion

[SATIRE] Biden moves to block Panama Canal in act of solidarity with Europe

Contributor to The LeaderApril 8, 2021April 8, 2021

April 8, 2021April 8, 2021

MATTHEW BAUM Scallion Editor It was announced on Thursday that President Biden is meeting with his cabinet about the plausibility of forcing a stop in the Panama Canal. Experts say it seems like this action is supposed to parallel the recent blocking of the Suez Canal, which recently wrapped up......

[OPINION] “Search for Meaning”

Pick a card, any card: Students premiere tarot art depictions

[SATIRE] SUNY Fredonia’s “Minors” email sparks panic

Lacrosse sets sights on Puerto Rico, playoffs

Fredonia mayor threatens to call National Guard for this year’s…

Attacks on diversity, equity and inclusion continue

[OPINION] Lovercolumn: Sex Symbols in Media

[SATIRE] “A Sitdown With Brock” season premiere gets leaked

5th Quarter Column: Why Has it Become Harder to Watch…

Roommates release song on Valentine’s Day in support of domestic…

Police Notters (Relatable Style)

[SATIRE] Amid director’s cut fad, “Seinfeld” cut rumors raise eyebrows

Horoscopes

I need to apologize…

[SATIRE] Finding (and kissing?) the Mason arsonist! Hot drama!

[SATIRE] What is hiding inside of Thompson Hall? An investigation

Stop saying I look like Jonah Hill 😡

[SATIRE] People need to be nicer to Jeff Bezos. He has money

[SATIRE] Things at Fredonia that would probably kill Prince Philip

[SATIRE] Biden moves to block Panama Canal in act of solidarity with Europe