Comics for Finals Week
Reading Time: < 1 minute“A Cat Named Finals” by Ash Maloney “I’d Rather Be…” by Patch Parsons...
[SATIRE] Hillary Clinton inspires wave of theatrical inspiration
Reading Time: 2 minutesBRIAN CECALA Staff Scallywag Fans of the iconic feminist and political leader Hillary Rodham Clinton may be surprised that she can add a new title… Theater super-star! After conceding the 2016 election, there were rumors floating around that she had been taking acting classes in her free time. Well, not......
[SATIRE] Fenton Hall from a music major’s perspective
Reading Time: 2 minutesMEGAN KIDBY Guest Scallywag The following is a parody of the article “Mason Hall from an outsider’s perspective,” previously published March 30, 2022 in Issue 10. As I approached the book building with the bricks I only had one thing on my mind: how was I going to survive in......
[SATIRE] Horoscopes as random stuff happening in the news right now
Reading Time: < 1 minuteJAY BYRONStaff Scallywag This is the signs as all the random stuff happening in the news right now! Aries: Casual wildfires happening Taurus: Going back and forth between freezing weather and almost 80 degrees Gemini: Lorde shushing the audience because she wants to have the solo Cancer: The Met Gala......
[SATIRE] Not a single SUNY Fredonia a cappella group will let me into their group and here’s why
Reading Time: 2 minutesJAY BYRONStaff Scallywag Okay, I’ll admit it. Acafest was really cool. Like, okay, sure, everyone did a good job. G Train? Can’t go wrong. However, I have some complaints. ‘Cause, like, not cool, guys. I auditioned for every single one of your little singy groups, and not a single one......
[SATIRE] Some thoughts on the Ukraine crisis, from a very sympathetic acting major
Reading Time: 2 minutesMATTHEW BAUM Scallion Editor and The Future of Musical Theatre Let’s also start strong, be aware I’m satirizing. It’s satire, I promise. For further information on the invasion being carried out by Russia in Ukraine, look somewhere that’s not The Scallion. The events and attacks taking place in Ukraine are......
[SATIRE] Wee oo Wee oo Police Notters Alert NEW RULES
Reading Time: 2 minutesBRIAN CECALA Real Cop at SUNY Fredonia Listen up, chumps. The University Police are getting real tired of your S#@*. We heard the news that they’re closing down Tim Hortons on campus, and we’re FED UP. We gotta go to Starbucks to get donuts? NO WAY, JOSE. We’re not playing......
[SATIRE] I’m only holding out for Burger Wednesday
Reading Time: 2 minutesMATTHEW BAUM Scallion Editor I’m keeping it real with you, guys. This semester is whopping my whopper. Really, no lie. I’m absolutely befrungled this spring. Bescringled, even. There is only one thing that’s keeping me in the loop, and I’m not alone. Burger Wednesday. Walking into Cranston Marché as a......
[SATIRE] Disappearance of the ‘FRED’ sign and other stuff that probably doesn’t matter as much
Reading Time: 2 minutesMATTHEW BAUM Scallion Editor Over spring break, while hordes of college students spent way too much money and acted recklessly in public, the FRED sign on campus was taken away, as well as some other things. We’ll cover the other things, but my main priority is the signage to our......
[SATIRE] Horoscopes: Predicting how your week is gonna go
Reading Time: 3 minutesJAY BYRONStaff Scallywag Welcome back to your favorite article series ever. I’m here to do a classic: predict how your week is gonna go. Aries: It’s your time to shine, Aries, and you know it! The winds are beckoning you. You’re gonna spend some well-deserved time outside, probably near the......