Comic: Snow Shoveling Sabotage
Reading Time: < 1 minuteCreated by NICOLE THORSON...
[SATIRE] A ‘beacon of hope:’ Metaverse shows signs of benefiting society at large
Reading Time: 2 minutesMATTHEW BAUM Scallion Editor Recent discussions regarding the upcoming VR-accessible Metaverse are making it clear that this project will provide much-needed relief to countless American lives. When Ronnie Caschernian, also known as @Big_Eth_Daddy808 on Twitter, invested in Bitcoin with money granted to him in his grandmother’s will, he had no......
Comic: Figgy Pudding
Reading Time: < 1 minuteComic by Lydia Turcios and Ash Maloney...
[SATIRE] Horoscopes
Reading Time: 2 minutesJAY BYRONStaff Scallywag Welcome to horoscopes. I’m going to tell you how you should prepare for finals. Aries: skim over everything posted on oncourse and if your class doesn’t have any oncourse posts, just improv it Taurus: create an incredibly believable story (example: my laptop was thrown into the refrigerator,......
[SATIRE] These are my thoughts and you’re going to read them
Reading Time: 2 minutesJAY BYRONStaff Scallywag So, the Scallion, huh? Isn’t it fun? A little silly? Whatever. Anyway, point is, I’m writing some stuff and I don’t care what you think because I’m a little punk. Chicken Fingers. They’re a bit tasty, but you absolutely have to get them from the right place.......
[SATIRE] BREAKING: Ariana Grande and Starbucks to collaborate even more annoyingly than Justin Bieber and Tim Horton’s
Reading Time: 2 minutesMATTHEW BAUM Scallion Editor In a move that has surprised literally nobody, Starbucks has found another way to bring despair into the lives of consumers everywhere. Following the announcement of the Justin Bieber and Tim Horton’s collaboration — with the pop artist’s agents definitely having spun a wheel of nonsense......
[SATIRE] Horoscopes: What leftover candy gives off the same vibe as your sign?
Reading Time: 2 minutesMATTHEW BAUM Editor of the Scallion and Confectionery Connoisseur Aries: You give off big Milky Way energy. You have a tendency to approach things in your life very head-on, and that’s fine, but some will be taken aback by your straightforwardness. Taurus: Alright, now this is interesting! You’re off the......
[SATIRE] Why we should parachute beavers onto the Fredonia campus
Reading Time: 3 minutesJAY BYRONStaff Scallywag The other day, I was scrolling on my phone like any zoomer might do. I checked every single social media account for something to catch my eye, but alas, I was brought to boredom. Nothing was doing it for me. Why is this world so boring? I......
[SATIRE] The Scallion wants me to kill the Queen of England
Reading Time: 2 minutes...
Tall tale: The silent driver
Reading Time: 3 minutesOLIVIA CLAMP Special to The Leader It is Jonathan’s last night in Gettysburg, Pennsylvania, so he and his friends decide to have a rowdy last night bar hopping around the city. The humid August air hits Jonathan as he leaves the pub. He will not be visiting for another few......