The Scallion - Page 18 of 88 - The Leader, SUNY Fredonia's student-run newspaper

[SATIRE] These are my thoughts and you’re going to read them

Contributor to The LeaderDecember 12, 2021December 13, 2021

December 12, 2021December 13, 2021

Reading Time: 2 minutesJAY BYRONStaff Scallywag So, the Scallion, huh? Isn’t it fun? A little silly? Whatever. Anyway, point is, I’m writing some stuff and I don’t care what you think because I’m a little punk. Chicken Fingers. They’re a bit tasty, but you absolutely have to get them from the right place.......

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[SATIRE] BREAKING: Ariana Grande and Starbucks to collaborate even more annoyingly than Justin Bieber and Tim Horton’s

Contributor to The LeaderDecember 11, 2021December 11, 2021

December 11, 2021December 11, 2021

Reading Time: 2 minutesMATTHEW BAUM Scallion Editor In a move that has surprised literally nobody, Starbucks has found another way to bring despair into the lives of consumers everywhere. Following the announcement of the Justin Bieber and Tim Horton’s collaboration — with the pop artist’s agents definitely having spun a wheel of nonsense......

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[SATIRE] Horoscopes: What leftover candy gives off the same vibe as your sign?

Contributor to The LeaderNovember 15, 2021November 15, 2021

November 15, 2021November 15, 2021

Reading Time: 2 minutesMATTHEW BAUM Editor of the Scallion and Confectionery Connoisseur Aries: You give off big Milky Way energy. You have a tendency to approach things in your life very head-on, and that’s fine, but some will be taken aback by your straightforwardness. Taurus: Alright, now this is interesting! You’re off the......

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[SATIRE] Why we should parachute beavers onto the Fredonia campus

Contributor to The LeaderNovember 15, 2021November 15, 2021

November 15, 2021November 15, 2021

Reading Time: 3 minutesJAY BYRONStaff Scallywag The other day, I was scrolling on my phone like any zoomer might do. I checked every single social media account for something to catch my eye, but alas, I was brought to boredom. Nothing was doing it for me. Why is this world so boring? I......

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[SATIRE] The Scallion wants me to kill the Queen of England

Contributor to The LeaderNovember 13, 2021November 13, 2021

November 13, 2021November 13, 2021

Reading Time: 2 minutes...

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Tall tale: The silent driver

Contributor to The LeaderOctober 30, 2021November 2, 2021

October 30, 2021November 2, 2021

Reading Time: 3 minutesOLIVIA CLAMP Special to The Leader It is Jonathan’s last night in Gettysburg, Pennsylvania, so he and his friends decide to have a rowdy last night bar hopping around the city. The humid August air hits Jonathan as he leaves the pub. He will not be visiting for another few......

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[SATIRE] Horoscopes (10.19.2021)

Contributor to The LeaderOctober 29, 2021October 29, 2021

October 29, 2021October 29, 2021

Reading Time: 2 minutesJAY BYRONStaff Scallywag Hi guys this is my first time writing horoscopes so please be kind. However you must BE AWARE. I know a lot. How close the signs are to losing their marbles this week and what you can do to prevent it: Aries: not close to losing your......

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True terror: Unhuman faces in the dark

Contributor to The LeaderOctober 28, 2021October 29, 2021

October 28, 2021October 29, 2021

Reading Time: 2 minutesKATHERINE HILTON Special to The Leader According to the author, all of the story is true and none of the pictures have been altered from their original form. In May of 2021, my best friends and I were staying at Allegheny State park in one of the old rentable cabins.......

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A Message To The CEO Of Kellogg’s

Contributor to The LeaderOctober 26, 2021October 26, 2021

October 26, 2021October 26, 2021

Reading Time: 2 minutesOLIVIA SYLVESTER Guest Scallywag Really? You’re going to reject my proposal? Do you know how hard I’ve worked on this? How long have I spent? All I want is for the Kellogg’s Froot Loop cereal straws to be brought back. I’ve dedicated my life to this cause. Now this may......

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The menace that munches: What we know about the new local groundhog

Jules HoeptingOctober 22, 2021October 22, 2021

October 22, 2021October 22, 2021

Reading Time: 2 minutesMATTHEW BAUM Editor of The Scallion It’s no surprise to me that we have invasive operatives amongst us. What!? We live in a perfect society where nobody has special interests in our college student lives!? In your wildest dreams! No, it makes perfect sense to me that there are forces......

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Director of Innovation and Economic Development reportedly retrenched

[SATIRE] Horoscopes

[OPINION] Lovercolumn: Do’s and don’ts of dating

Who started the Butterlow fire? The Leader investigates

[SATIRE] These are my thoughts and you’re going to read them

[SATIRE] BREAKING: Ariana Grande and Starbucks to collaborate even more annoyingly than Justin Bieber and Tim Horton’s

[SATIRE] Horoscopes: What leftover candy gives off the same vibe as your sign?

[SATIRE] Why we should parachute beavers onto the Fredonia campus

[SATIRE] The Scallion wants me to kill the Queen of England

Tall tale: The silent driver

[SATIRE] Horoscopes (10.19.2021)

True terror: Unhuman faces in the dark

A Message To The CEO Of Kellogg’s

The menace that munches: What we know about the new local groundhog