The Scallion - Page 20 of 84 - The Leader, SUNY Fredonia's student-run newspaper

[SATIRE] (Inspiring!) Local child works in sweatshop to afford hospital bill

Contributor to The LeaderMarch 12, 2021March 8, 2021

March 12, 2021March 8, 2021

BRIAN CECALA Staff Scallywag In the modern era, we as Americans ask ourselves, which is more important? Being a red-blooded AMERICAN or a diaper-wearing communist? Sometimes I look at the people and think it’s a shame how brainwashed they are. The president of the free world is a communist and......

Scallion

[SATIRE] Conservative convention planners shape floor layout into a Hindu symbol of prosperity

Contributor to The LeaderMarch 10, 2021March 8, 2021

March 10, 2021March 8, 2021

MATTHEW BAUM Scallion Editor Once again, the whiners that are so prevalent in the liberal media have caused a stink over something that’s harmless and even inspiring, all for the sake of cancelling conservative values in the U.S. The beloved super-Pac People for the Corporations had planned a conservative convention......

Scallion

Horoscopes

Contributor to The LeaderMarch 7, 2021March 7, 2021

March 7, 2021March 7, 2021

HANNAH BLIDY Staff Scallywag aries: f*ckin’ uh i don’t know taurus: ur like a little f*ckin’ turtle gemini: underrated air sign we love u gemini babies cancer: cry baby oooo whatcha gonna do f*ckin’ cry about it? leo: why don’t you un-repress your emotions and then we can talk about......

Scallion

The worst civil tragedy to happen in the U.S.: Getting rid of the Starbucks everything bagel bites

Contributor to The LeaderMarch 5, 2021March 5, 2021

March 5, 2021March 5, 2021

JAY BYRONStaff Scallywag When I got back to Fredonia, I knew the first thing I wanted to do was order some everything bagel bites from Starbucks because they absolutely slap. I think we can all agree on at least that much, unless you’re gluten intolerant or something. Sorry. However, when......

Scallion

So, you wanna get ready for “WandaVision?”

Contributor to The LeaderMarch 4, 2021March 4, 2021

March 4, 2021March 4, 2021

BRIAN CECALA Staff Scallywag So you wanna get ready and watch “WandaVision” like the other hip cool guys? But you haven’t watched all the Marvel movies that lead up to it. Well, don’t worry, we here at The Scallion gotcha covered! I watched every single Marvel movie in order to......

Scallion

Horoscopes

Contributor to The LeaderMarch 1, 2021March 1, 2021

March 1, 2021March 1, 2021

HANNAH BLIDY Staff Scallywag aries: f*ckin’ uh i don’t know taurus: ur like a little f*ckin’ turtle gemini: underrated air sign we love u gemini babies cancer: cry baby oooo whatcha gonna do f*ckin’ cry about it? leo: why don’t you un-repress your emotions and then we can talk about......

Scallion

For one last time: I am the editor of The Scallion, and I have really long legs now

Contributor to The LeaderMarch 1, 2021March 1, 2021

March 1, 2021March 1, 2021

JOSEPH MARCINIAK Retired Editor of The Scallion Well folks, this is it: my last article as editor. After much thought, I have decided to take my extended legs and take them home, since I am retiring. I have claimed my pension, and all my benefits. I, Joseph Marciniak, humble servant......

Scallion

[SATIRE] Can you hold a hand and be mean at the same time? An analysis

Contributor to The LeaderFebruary 27, 2021February 24, 2021

February 27, 2021February 24, 2021

JAY BYRONStaff Scallywag As I was thinking about what to do for this article, I realized that I talk big game about hand holding. It’s a fun activity that anyone can participate in. I figured it appeals to the mass audience. However, I realize there are some people out there......

Scallion

Heartwarming! A shrimp really did fry this rice

Contributor to The LeaderFebruary 25, 2021February 24, 2021

February 25, 2021February 24, 2021

BRIAN CECALA Staff Scallywag By all known laws of biology, a shrimp should not have the ability to fry rice. Yet when I heard rumors around the campus of not one, but multiple local establishments selling shrimp fried rice I knew I had to get the scoop. What I was......

Scallion

[SATIRE] President Biden announces “Drugs are cool now!”

Contributor to The LeaderFebruary 24, 2021February 24, 2021

February 24, 2021February 24, 2021

JOSEPH MARCINIAKScallion Editor At a press conference on Sunday, press secretary Jen Psaki was talking about nuclear weapon deals or something when the president made a surprise appearance. Reporters in the room say that he had a confused, jumbled look, and had some sort of white powder beneath his nose.......

Natasha McCandless presents Fredonia with a new face and optimistic…

Trump signs flurry of executive orders in his first week…

5th Quarter Column: Marked short… again

[OPINION] Lovercolumn: Finding Your Safe Space

‘Super’ rematch between Chiefs and Eagles? Many say ‘no thanks’…

[SATIRE] Horoscopes: Which New Year’s resolution is right for you?

A guide to learning about and celebrating Black History Month

5th Quarter Column: Chapter Four

5th Quarter Column: Quell the Raven

5th Quarter Column: Fifth Time’s a Charm?

[SATIRE] (Inspiring!) Local child works in sweatshop to afford hospital bill

[SATIRE] Conservative convention planners shape floor layout into a Hindu symbol of prosperity

Horoscopes

The worst civil tragedy to happen in the U.S.: Getting rid of the Starbucks everything bagel bites

So, you wanna get ready for “WandaVision?”

Horoscopes

For one last time: I am the editor of The Scallion, and I have really long legs now

[SATIRE] Can you hold a hand and be mean at the same time? An analysis

Heartwarming! A shrimp really did fry this rice

[SATIRE] President Biden announces “Drugs are cool now!”