The Scallion - Page 19 of 88 - The Leader, SUNY Fredonia's student-run newspaper

[SATIRE] What’s that, Fredonia? What do YOU think about musical theatre majors?

Contributor to The LeaderOctober 11, 2021October 11, 2021

October 11, 2021October 11, 2021

Reading Time: < 1 minuteJAY BYRONStaff Scallywag Lean Man Mamanda Junior American history “not throwing away my shot” major. “Generally speaking, they blow us all away. Wait for it — history has its eyes on you. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine.” (Scallywag note: I threw up after speaking to him.)......

Scallion

[SATIRE] Join the Scallion, you cowards

Contributor to The LeaderOctober 11, 2021October 11, 2021

October 11, 2021October 11, 2021

Reading Time: 2 minutesMATTHEW BAUM Scallion Editor Hey. HEY. Listen up, I’m only gonna type this once: Write. For. The. Scallion. There is nothing better than taking 45 minutes or less out of your week to write a silly little article that you make up out of thin air for the college newspaper.......

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Time isn’t real and we are accelerating into Hell

Contributor to The LeaderOctober 11, 2021October 11, 2021

October 11, 2021October 11, 2021

Reading Time: 2 minutesBRIAN CECALA Staff Scallywag I was going to write an article about Gavin Newsom and the California recall but it’s been less than a week and it’s already not relevant to the news cycle anymore. The human conscious experience has accelerated to only remembering things that happened in the last......

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[SATIRE] Why I’m pissed we have to wear masks

Contributor to The LeaderSeptember 16, 2021September 16, 2021

September 16, 2021September 16, 2021

Reading Time: 2 minutesJAY BYRONStaff Scallywag If you live in the United States, or maybe even other places, I’m sure you’ve heard we have to wear masks. This mandate has been in place for a while and it’s caused a bit of a stir. Well, I’ve been ruminating; I don’t think it’s a......

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[SATIRE] I’m going to lose my marbles: My journey from one job to the next

Contributor to The LeaderSeptember 16, 2021September 21, 2021

September 16, 2021September 21, 2021

Reading Time: 2 minutesMATTHEW BAUM Editor to the Scallion For many of us here at SUNY Fredonia, this summer was a trial. Our collective patience, strength and mental fortuity was tested day in or day out. I understand this exhausting feat firsthand, as I served as a camp counselor in the middle of......

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Totally true story of the “FRED” sign

Jules HoeptingSeptember 10, 2021September 9, 2021

September 10, 2021September 9, 2021

Reading Time: 3 minutesJULES HOEPTING Managing Editor This is the satire section of the paper, but everything I am about to tell you is totally true — not exaggerated at all. Really. As one of the head editors, I deemed this topic too comical to put in any other section. All summer, I......

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You’re fully vaxxed now! You can kiss and hold hands!

Contributor to The LeaderMay 17, 2021May 17, 2021

May 17, 2021May 17, 2021

Reading Time: 3 minutesJAY BYRONStaff Scallywag I gotta say, I am so freaking excited to be talking about holding hands without feeling bad about it. I don’t know if anyone else remembers, but I love talking about holding hands and maybe kissing. I especially still hold a love for the Willy C’s silhouettes,......

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[SATIRE] Congress members found at Ghost Club

Contributor to The LeaderMay 14, 2021May 9, 2021

May 14, 2021May 9, 2021

Reading Time: 2 minutesBRIAN CECALA Staff Scallywag A group of Congress members known for being part of the “America First Caucus” were found gleefully running around in the woods in white costumes. They were frolicking around a fire that had a giant wooden “T” in the middle of it. When asked about why......

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Horoscopes

Contributor to The LeaderMay 10, 2021May 9, 2021

May 10, 2021May 9, 2021

Reading Time: < 1 minuteHANNAH BLIDY Staff Scallywag the signs as stuff in fredonia aries: Sunny’s taurus: strawberry lemonade from Starbucks gemini: Uppercrust cancer: Reed Library leo: the clock tower virgo: Canadaway Street libra: overpriced sweatshirt at the bookstore scorpio: Muldoon’s sagittarius: Tuscany capricorn: the F in Fredonia that got stolen that one time ......

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[SATIRE] Fredonia student starting squirrel club

Jules HoeptingMay 9, 2021May 16, 2021

May 9, 2021May 16, 2021

Reading Time: 2 minutesJULES HOEPTING Design Editor Jodee Doe was sipping on coffee on the Starbucks patio when she beheld a sight that inspired her: a squirrel perched on a bicycle while consuming bread. The squirrel’s fascinating behavior reminded Doe of her friend, John Smith, who chose to attend Cornell University over SUNY......

Fredonia announces additional program cuts following finals week

Fredonia has lost the art of the elective

Orchesis caps off year with ‘Escape Into the Music’

Best photos of the year from Fredonia athletics

Five major takeaways from the 2026 NFL Draft

How To Be a Good White Ally 101

Director of Innovation and Economic Development reportedly retrenched

[SATIRE] Horoscopes

[OPINION] Lovercolumn: Do’s and don’ts of dating

Who started the Butterlow fire? The Leader investigates

[SATIRE] What’s that, Fredonia? What do YOU think about musical theatre majors?

[SATIRE] Join the Scallion, you cowards

Time isn’t real and we are accelerating into Hell

[SATIRE] Why I’m pissed we have to wear masks

[SATIRE] I’m going to lose my marbles: My journey from one job to the next

Totally true story of the “FRED” sign

You’re fully vaxxed now! You can kiss and hold hands!

[SATIRE] Congress members found at Ghost Club

Horoscopes

[SATIRE] Fredonia student starting squirrel club