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January 15, 2025
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[SATIRE] Horoscopes: What to get each sign

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The Leader
Scallion

[SATIRE] Horoscopes: Moments of womanhood aligned with the signs

Contributor to The Leader
JACE JACOBSAssistant Editor of The Scallion  ABIGAIL MILLER  Managing Editor  Hello Fredonians and a very happy Woman Issue to all who celebrate (guys please don’t hate me for calling it that, it’s literally what our Editor in Chief called it)!  For some context, I am a transgender man, so although......
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Scallion

[SATIRE] Horoscopes: Why your sign should sign up for The Bachelor

Contributor to The Leader
FACE FACOBSNew Assistant Editor of The Scallion, Jace’s Replacement Hello everyone! My name is Face Facobs and I am Jace Jacobs’ official replacement! In light of his horoscopes being too long, he has been fired, and I have replaced him. Although we’ve never met, I’ve decided to throw my predecessor......
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Scallion

[SATIRE] Horoscopes: What does the month of March have in mind for your sign?

Contributor to The Leader
JACE JACOBSAssistant Editor of The Scallion, Chloe Kowalyk’s Least Favorite Staff Member (Apparently) Hi guys, welcome back to another edition of Jace’s super great and awesome horoscopes. At our last e-board meeting for The Leader, our editor-in-chief told me I needed to “make the horoscopes shorter” and “edit myself.” I......
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Scallion

[SATIRE] The grave of the Pedro Pastall

Abigail Jacobson
ABIGAIL JACOBSON  Asst. News Editor  ATTENTION! I SAID ATTENTION! According to multiple sources across campus, the Pedro Pascal shrine, AKA the Pedro Pastall, has been reportedly taken down. By whom, you may ask? BY PEDRO PASCAL’S HATERS! Those scoundrels.  How dare they take down the shrine I go and pray......
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Scallion

[SCALLION] Get to know your Bachelor! A look inside the mind of Jace Jacobs

Contributor to The Leader
MEGAN KIDBY Scallion Editor Ladies, gentlemen and non-binary friends, we have a special surprise for you! I, Megan Kidby, sat down with our wonderful bachelor Jace Jacobs and asked him a couple questions about love, family, challenges and other things that made him the man he is today. If you......
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