The Leader
ScallionSports

[SCALLION/SPORTS] Volz enlisted to help suffering Sabres

Matt Volz
Reading Time: 4 minutesMATT VOLZ Sports Editor, New Sabres General Manager/Owner The Buffalo Sabres are going through it. They’re about to miss the playoffs for the 14th season in a row, extending their record-long drought. They’ve tried everything from different coaches to different general managers and players, but none of it has worked.......
NewsScallion

[SCALLION/NEWS] All hail the new era: The Scallion has taken over

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 2 minutesMEGAN KIDBY Supreme Ruler of the Editorial Board It is with great pleasure (for me) and mild concern (for everyone else) that I announce my ascension to the role of Editor-in-Chief.  Yes, you read that correctly.  After years of being confined to the dark, joke-filled corner of The Leader as......
Scallion

[SATIRE] “A Sitdown With Brock” season premiere gets leaked

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 5 minutesBROCK PAPKE  Special to The Leader Trigger warning: This article contains strong language and depictions of cartoon violence and injury. In a turn of events that surprised absolutely no one, the final season premiere of “A Sitdown With Brock Papke” has been unceremoniously leaked onto the internet, setting off a......
Scallion

[SATIRE] Horoscopes: Which pop culture moment are you?

Abbie Miller
Reading Time: 4 minutesABIGAIL MILLER Editor-in-Chief, Boasting a 5-hour-a-day Average Screen Time With the Oscars right around the corner and the Grammys, Critics Choice Awards and BAFTAs taking place last month, there is seldom a time period as rich in notable celebrity moments as now.  Many say that the rise of the Internet......
Scallion

[SATIRE] Horoscopes: How did you spend your Valentine’s Day?

Abbie Miller
Reading Time: 4 minutesABBIE MILLER  Editor-in-Chief, Hopeful Romantic  In my opinion, Valentine’s Day is the one holiday that is as universally hated as it is loved.  Those who do not have a romantic partner are left hating those who do and those who do are left too blissfully unaware of their surroundings to......
Scallion

[SATIRE] Horoscopes: Which New Year’s resolution is right for you?

Abbie Miller
Reading Time: 3 minutesABBIE MILLER  Editor-in-Chief, Reluctant Gemini As we head into the second month of the new year, the resolutions that we were so sure we would stick to start to fade from memory.  The ball drop appears to have had the same effect as the neuralyzer in the “Men in Black”......
Scallion

[SATIRE] Horoscopes: What to get each sign

Abbie Miller
Reading Time: 4 minutesABBIE MILLER  Editor-in-Chief, Acceptor of Any and All Gifts  It’s just about that time. As the snow blankets campus and I desperately try (and repeatedly fail) not to slip on the ice that covers the walkway to Fenton Hall, the holiday season is upon us. For some of us, that......

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