The Scallion - Page 31 of 85 - The Leader, SUNY Fredonia's student-run newspaper

Mother uproots Fredonia student’s family to follow her daughter to school

Contributor to The LeaderNovember 6, 2019February 6, 2020

November 6, 2019February 6, 2020

MATTHEW BAUM Staff Scallywag One of the biggest concerns most college students have is that they will be too distant from their family. The move to campus is fun, and opportunities open up for those who attend university, but it’s quite an abrupt change from being able to see your......

Scallion

Spooky Stories to tell in the dark: Dr. Hefner edition

Contributor to The LeaderOctober 30, 2019October 30, 2019

October 30, 2019October 30, 2019

JOSEPH MARCINIAK Spooky Editor of the Scallion Buckle up, everyone, we have a SPOOKY story to tell you. This story is 100% true, so you better be prepared. Are you sitting comfortably? Then let’s begin. It all started on an average Halloween night. Dr. Hefner sat in his office, counting......

Scallion

Horrorscopes

Contributor to The LeaderOctober 30, 2019October 30, 2019

October 30, 2019October 30, 2019

ARIES You aren’t winning that costume contest this year. TAURUS You’re really being a sexy mermaid … Don’t drown in the creek … or do LEO Vampires like blood … especially yours, Leo. VIRGO You are a trick and a treat, Virgo. Yummmmm. CANCER Freddy’s coming to get you. GEMINI......

Scallion

Team of crack scientists have discovered that more humans die on Earth than any other planet

Contributor to The LeaderOctober 30, 2019October 30, 2019

October 30, 2019October 30, 2019

MATTHEW BAUM Horrifying Staff Scallywag In a recently-published article in a scientific journal, a group of statisticians and biologists have made a breathtaking discovery. According to the six years of data analysis the group has compiled, Earth is now considered the most dangerous planet in the solar system. Head Researcher......

Scallion

Folks, can we stop jumping in the leaf mass graves?

Contributor to The LeaderOctober 30, 2019October 30, 2019

October 30, 2019October 30, 2019

COREY DALE-MILLER Terrifying Guest Scallywag I know, folks. It’s fall. You want to have some fun. And what could possibly be more enthralling than jumping into a pile of leaves? Halloween is coming up, and you might think that it is time to get into the holiday spirit. But I’m......

Scallion

Horoscopes

Contributor to The LeaderOctober 23, 2019October 21, 2019

October 23, 2019October 21, 2019

ARIES It seems like it mightbe time for you to riseand shine. TAURUS This weekend you willbe rising and shining. LEO #riseandshine VIRGO Don’t bet on sports.You’ll end up losing allyour money and youwon’t be happy whenyou rise and shine. CANCER Rise and shine. LIBRA Libra, you walk too slowin......

Scallion

Jared Leto: ‘I’m pissed’

Contributor to The LeaderOctober 23, 2019October 21, 2019

October 23, 2019October 21, 2019

MATTHEW BAUM Guest Scallywag The actor that epitomizes the exact worst of method acting, Jared Leto, has recently taken to the media to report that he’s mad. Nobody asked, but he decided he wanted people to be aware of it. “I’m pissed! I am incredibly pissed!” Leto told Guest Scallywag......

Scallion

Guy downloads Tik Tok ironically and starts using it religiously

Contributor to The LeaderOctober 16, 2019October 16, 2019

October 16, 2019October 16, 2019

MATTHEW BAUM Guest Scallywag What’s the old phrase? “You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain.” This is the fate that has fallen upon freshman gravitational studies major Samuel Mitch, who has found himself Tik Tok famous. Mitch claims that he was an......

Scallion

Widdle Adam Schiff uwu, puh-wease don’t wook into tha whistlebwower!

Contributor to The LeaderOctober 16, 2019October 16, 2019

October 16, 2019October 16, 2019

JOSEPH MARCINIAK Long-Suffering Editor of the Scallion Hi everyone. Here at the Scallion, we strive for the finest articles. We sit for hours, discussing what is socially and politically relevant, and most of all, what is funny. At our weekly meetings on Monday, I had an idea. I wrote down......

Scallion

Down with the Scallion! Writer fed up with oppressive formatting guidelines

Contributor to The LeaderOctober 16, 2019October 16, 2019

October 16, 2019October 16, 2019

COREY DALE-MILLER Guest Scallywag Fredonia Scallion writer Corey Dale-Miller was scolded last week for no reason. Dale-Miller, who wears glasses, was told specifically not to use 18-point font. How am I supposed to see this shit if it’s only 10-point font? Like seriously, my glasses barely work anyways. I’ve really......

Theater kids are taking over Fredonia

Rating every 2025 Oscar award-winning movie

President Trump signs orders dismantling eight departments

[SATIRE] Fear and Loathing in Talladega: A Journey to Beer-Soaked…

[SCALLION/NEWS] Campus bus leaves students traumatized

[SATIRE/NEWS] Police Notters

Executive Vice President and Provost Dr. David Starrett abruptly leaves…

[SATIRE] Abigail Jacobson, news editor, cancels news

[SCALLION/SPORTS] Volz enlisted to help suffering Sabres

[SCALLION/NEWS] All hail the new era: The Scallion has taken…

Mother uproots Fredonia student’s family to follow her daughter to school

Spooky Stories to tell in the dark: Dr. Hefner edition

Horrorscopes

Team of crack scientists have discovered that more humans die on Earth than any other planet

Folks, can we stop jumping in the leaf mass graves?

Horoscopes

Jared Leto: ‘I’m pissed’

Widdle Adam Schiff uwu, puh-wease don’t wook into tha whistlebwower!

Down with the Scallion! Writer fed up with oppressive formatting guidelines