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Fredonia NY
April 21, 2025
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 Theater kids are taking over Fredonia

Rating every 2025 Oscar award-winning movie 

President Trump signs orders dismantling eight departments 

[SATIRE] Fear and Loathing in Talladega: A Journey to Beer-Soaked…

[SCALLION/NEWS] Campus bus leaves students traumatized

[SATIRE/NEWS] Police Notters

Executive Vice President and Provost Dr. David Starrett abruptly leaves…

[SATIRE] Abigail Jacobson, news editor, cancels news

[SCALLION/SPORTS] Volz enlisted to help suffering Sabres

[SCALLION/NEWS] All hail the new era: The Scallion has taken…

The Leader
Scallion

“You have to do this, Joe” God says to Biden during political rally

Contributor to The Leader
JOSEPH MARCINIAK Scallion Editor Well, the old fogie is at it again.  Former Vice President Joe Biden recently revealed in an interview with the Scallion that during his rally in Poughkeepsie, God appeared to tell him that he has to take on Trump alone.  “It was a miracle. There I......
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Scallion

Gotta admit, he’s got guts: Trump tears off clothes for people standing outside of White House fence

Contributor to The Leader
JOSEPH MARCINIAK Scallion Editor Well, you can’t get angry at him for this one. President Trump recently walked to the fence outside of the White House, alarming members of the secret service, and tore his clothes off “down to his undies” reports said. Not even mad; guy has got some......
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Scallion

What’s that, Fredonia? What do YOU think of our incumbent president, Dr. Hefner?

Contributor to The Leader
JOSEPH MARCINIAK Scallion Editor Wanda Plongo, sophomore political science major “Who?” Goulash Jambalaya, senior criminal justice major “I think it’s pretty interesting that the rotting corpse of Hugh Hefner is now the president of Fredonia. What a small world we live in.” Greej Dunkle, freshman anti-mathematics major “If I knew......
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Scallion

“Guess I’m not sick anymore” says student vomiting outside closed LoGrasso Student Health Center

Contributor to The Leader
DOM MAGISTRO Assistant Scallion Editor LoGrasso Health Center, Fredonia – Sunday afternoon, James “Barfy” Bartholemew was spotted banging on the door outside LoGrasso clutching at his stomach as a custodian within shook their head, refusing to allow Barfy access to the building. “Please, I’m very sick. I need help,” begged......
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Scallion

‘We’re ignorian Dorian’ Trump puts the hurricane in time out

Contributor to The Leader
DOM MAGISTRO Assistant Scallion Editor As we enter the month with the largest number of hurricanes on average, tropical storms become stronger and stronger. This includes the first ever hurricane to reach Category 5, according to President Trump. In September 2017, Hurricane Irma hit the US, the first of four......
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Scallion

Heartwarming: When this student was feeling shy and didn’t want to socialize, this heroic RA forced them to do icebreakers

Contributor to The Leader
JOSEPH MARCINIAK Scallion Editor Get out your tissues, this one’s a tear jerker! Julia Freedman, a shy freshman just starting at Fredonia, wasn’t really in the mood to socialize and just wanted to get the hall meeting over with. But the heroic RA of Nixon Hall, Patricia Stronghold, decided she......
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Scallion

What’s that, Fredonia? What do YOU think of the burning of the Amazon rainforest?

Contributor to The Leader
JOSEPH MARCINIAK Scallion Editor   George Greenback, junior hiding with a lampshade over your head major “I can’t really worry too much. I bought some Crayola crayons the other week. Did you know they plant a tree every time you buy one of their products? I mean c’mon, that’s self......
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