The Scallion - Page 37 of 85 - The Leader, SUNY Fredonia's student-run newspaper

Trump reduced to puddle due to light rain

Contributor to The LeaderNovember 28, 2018August 25, 2019

November 28, 2018August 25, 2019

DOM MAGISTRO Special to The Scallion On the eleventh hour of the eleventh day in the eleventh month of 1918, leaders from around the world put an end to the “war to end all wars.” For 100 years, the world has honored Armistice Day on that date, Nov. 11,......

Scallion

United States hit with a literal ‘blue wave’ on Election Day

Contributor to The LeaderNovember 7, 2018September 9, 2019

November 7, 2018September 9, 2019

TRAVIS LEFEVRE Editor in Chief On Tuesday, voters took to the polls to elect their representatives. MAGA hats and pussy hats flood middle school gynasiums all over the country until they became flooded with something else: water. The United States of America was momentarily submerged when a literal blue......

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POLICE NOTTERS

Contributor to The LeaderNovember 7, 2018November 14, 2018

November 7, 2018November 14, 2018

Monday, Oct. 29 2:28 a.m. University Police responded to a report that someone broke the pavement outside of Gregory Hall. An investigation is ongoing but police say the evidence is concrete. 5:32 a.m. Andrew McSadboi was arrested for possession of marijuana after telling his friend about how he just......

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Ask Fairy Godmother: Your place to bippity bappity bitch

Contributor to The LeaderNovember 7, 2018August 15, 2019

November 7, 2018August 15, 2019

Dear Fairy Godmother, As you know, Halloween was last week. When I went to the store to buy the finishing touches for my costume, I found that all of the spooky stuff was gone, replaced by the sickening aroma of gingerbread and pine. It wasn’t even November yet. Now,......

Scallion

President Trump revokes own citizenship

Contributor to The LeaderNovember 7, 2018August 25, 2019

November 7, 2018August 25, 2019

DOM MAGISTRO Special to The Scallion In a recent, quite frankly expected, turn of events from the Oval Office, the President of the United States, has announced the planned signing of an executive order revoking birthright citizenship for anyone not born to citizens of the United States as well......

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Top 10 Slutty Costumes for Halloween

Contributor to The LeaderOctober 31, 2018August 15, 2019

October 31, 2018August 15, 2019

P.T. PUNKIN Guest Scallyway Well, here we are again. It’s time to go over some slutty costumes that are sure to make an appearance tonight, and for the next week. If you wore any of these over this past weekend . . . jokes on you, sweetie. Slutty Disney......

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Student’s intentionally haunt apartment for a wicked Halloweekend house party

Contributor to The LeaderOctober 31, 2018November 14, 2018

October 31, 2018November 14, 2018

TRAVIS LEFEVRE Editor in Chief Three students on Eagle Street have achieved the impossible this Halloweekend after throwing the spookiest house party in town. Barry DeLive, River Styx and Emma Goner got together and planned this shindig months in advance, deciding that the best way to spook up the......

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Local loser arrested for “being himself” on Halloween

Contributor to The LeaderOctober 31, 2018November 14, 2018

October 31, 2018November 14, 2018

JOSEPH MARCINIAK Staff Scallywag In 1787, at the birth of the American Constitution, the following words were written. “Dressing as yourself for Halloween is the most egregious sin viable in our free-spirited country. I, Thomas Jefferson, will personally kill any man who dares commit this offence.” This piece of......

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Keeping students in classes after 5 p.m. now considered an international war crime

Contributor to The LeaderOctober 24, 2018August 25, 2019

October 24, 2018August 25, 2019

JOSEPH MARCINIAK Staff Scallywag A recent meeting at the UN headquarters has determined that all classes that extend past 5 p.m. are considered a human rights violation. This intense decision has caused the UN Peacekeeping Forces to be on full alert within the U.S. and, more recently, here at......

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POLICE NOTTERS

Contributor to The LeaderOctober 24, 2018October 23, 2018

October 24, 2018October 23, 2018

Monday, Oct. 15, 2018 2:46 a.m. Trevor FeLemur was arrested for dabbing too hard in a public space. Bail was set to $420. 3:15 p.m. Joe Walkey was arrested for disturbing the peace. He was reported to have been aggressively trying to convince people that Snow White is the best......

Theater kids are taking over Fredonia

Rating every 2025 Oscar award-winning movie

President Trump signs orders dismantling eight departments

[SATIRE] Fear and Loathing in Talladega: A Journey to Beer-Soaked…

[SCALLION/NEWS] Campus bus leaves students traumatized

[SATIRE/NEWS] Police Notters

Executive Vice President and Provost Dr. David Starrett abruptly leaves…

[SATIRE] Abigail Jacobson, news editor, cancels news

[SCALLION/SPORTS] Volz enlisted to help suffering Sabres

[SCALLION/NEWS] All hail the new era: The Scallion has taken…

Trump reduced to puddle due to light rain

United States hit with a literal ‘blue wave’ on Election Day

POLICE NOTTERS

Ask Fairy Godmother: Your place to bippity bappity bitch

President Trump revokes own citizenship

Top 10 Slutty Costumes for Halloween

Student’s intentionally haunt apartment for a wicked Halloweekend house party

Local loser arrested for “being himself” on Halloween

Keeping students in classes after 5 p.m. now considered an international war crime

POLICE NOTTERS