The Scallion - Page 39 of 84 - The Leader, SUNY Fredonia's student-run newspaper

Trump appoints Mr. Krabs as new treasury secretary

Contributor to The LeaderApril 25, 2018August 25, 2019

April 25, 2018August 25, 2019

JACLYN SPIEZIA Staff Scallywag The newest member of the White House is . . . wait, you won’t be able to guess who it is! That’s because it is Mr. Krabs, a goddamn fictional character! When real people are not to trust, Trump decided he’d stop “draining the swamp”......

Scallion

The FBI reveals what they found under Michael Cohen’s bed: ‘It is beyond description’

Contributor to The LeaderApril 25, 2018August 25, 2019

April 25, 2018August 25, 2019

MORGAN HENDERSON Staff Scallywag The FBI searched Michael Cohen’s hotel room a few days ago in search of evidence that he bribed people in the sex industry for Donald Trump. They found more than the evidence they were hoping to find. On his bedside table they found pornagraphic magazines......

Scallion

A profile of that one guy panicking in the back of the library

Contributor to The LeaderApril 18, 2018

April 18, 2018

MORGAN HENDERSON Staff Scallywag Chad Ball sits alone in the back corner of the library. Every day. Hands running through his frizzy curls with a look of frustration on his face. His troubles don’t end in the library, though. Right now he’s in the middle of a three-day-long argument......

Scallion

‘It hasn’t always been lemon squeezy for this buck’: A profile of that squirrel always seen outside of University Commons

Contributor to The LeaderApril 18, 2018

April 18, 2018

JACLYN SPIEZIA Staff Scallywag Twitchy Squirrel is about 6 in human years, which in squirrel years is equivalent to age 30. But unlike 30-year-old homo sapiens, he isn’t going through a mid-life crisis. Twitchy is totally unique from other squirrels as his fur is chestnut colored and is mixed......

Scallion

Profile: Tin man of notorious ‘Three Man Hill’ statue speaks out: The exclusive sculpture tell all

Contributor to The LeaderApril 18, 2018

April 18, 2018

PATRICK BENNETT Staff Scallywag One third of the members of the iconic tin men statue, situated on the incline between the Rockefeller Arts Center and the woodlot near Ring Road, has recently released an autobiography recalling prime events and encounters in his life. The tin man, Warren Conrad, delivered......

Scallion

Profile: Your geology professor who dreams of the stage

Contributor to The LeaderApril 18, 2018

April 18, 2018

ALBERTO GONZALEZ Staff Scallywag Professor Dreary has now been teaching geology at Fredonia for the last 20 years, or how he remembers it, the number of years since he could have had a child with his ex-wife, but declined the opportunity. Back then, his wife had really wanted a......

Scallion

LinkedIn launches new website for introverts

Contributor to The LeaderApril 11, 2018

April 11, 2018

EMMA PATTERSON Editor of The Scallion Nothing quite illustrates the terrifying and nausea-inducing reality of adulthood like LinkedIn, the website dedicated to making the lives of thousands of inadequate man-children 1,000 times more stressful. But as the introverts continue to take over the world, (mwa ha ha ha), LinkedIn......

Scallion

Student reaches new level of consciousness after pulling three all-nighters

Contributor to The LeaderApril 11, 2018

April 11, 2018

ALBERTO GONZALEZ Staff Scallywag It is officially that time of year again. Midterm grades are starting to sink in, winter is lasting a little too long and somehow all of your classes decided now is a really good time for you to earn the majority of your grade by......

Scallion

Graduating senior requests refund from payroll office

Contributor to The LeaderApril 11, 2018

April 11, 2018

JACLYN SPIEZIA Staff Scallywag This year, Jane Schmuck is completing her time at SUNY Fredonia with average grades and cords from a few insignificant clubs. After five years of doing nothing at this university, she is almost ready to snatch her degree from the hands of President Horvath. Just......

Scallion

Soon to be college grad completely loses it

Contributor to The LeaderApril 11, 2018

April 11, 2018

MORGAN HENDERSON Staff Scallywag Tod Ramsey, a SUNY Fredonia senior, was found on the top floor of Maytum Hall throwing anything imaginable at the windows — the windows that don’t open and have non-breakable glass. A SUNY Fredonia employee said, “By the time I got back to my office......

Humans steal jobs created for AI: The irony of automation…

[SATIRE] Megan’s Sports Roundup: Sports from someone who DEFINITELY knows…

Professor Peter Tucker reflects on his time at Fredonia

Trumps wins 2024 presidential election

Fredonia’s violinist David Rose performs from the heart

[SATIRE] Horoscopes and it’s the same but I’m an alum…

The ‘surprisingly chaotic’ Canadaway Creek

Digging into the impact of Fredonia’s faculty cuts

From EBC to Tiki: Fredonia staple changes ownership

Reviving community through leadership on the field

Trump appoints Mr. Krabs as new treasury secretary

The FBI reveals what they found under Michael Cohen’s bed: ‘It is beyond description’

A profile of that one guy panicking in the back of the library

‘It hasn’t always been lemon squeezy for this buck’: A profile of that squirrel always seen outside of University Commons

Profile: Tin man of notorious ‘Three Man Hill’ statue speaks out: The exclusive sculpture tell all

Profile: Your geology professor who dreams of the stage

LinkedIn launches new website for introverts

Student reaches new level of consciousness after pulling three all-nighters

Graduating senior requests refund from payroll office

Soon to be college grad completely loses it