The Scallion - Page 41 of 85 - The Leader, SUNY Fredonia's student-run newspaper

‘It hasn’t always been lemon squeezy for this buck’: A profile of that squirrel always seen outside of University Commons

Contributor to The LeaderApril 18, 2018

April 18, 2018

JACLYN SPIEZIA Staff Scallywag Twitchy Squirrel is about 6 in human years, which in squirrel years is equivalent to age 30. But unlike 30-year-old homo sapiens, he isn’t going through a mid-life crisis. Twitchy is totally unique from other squirrels as his fur is chestnut colored and is mixed......

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Profile: Tin man of notorious ‘Three Man Hill’ statue speaks out: The exclusive sculpture tell all

Contributor to The LeaderApril 18, 2018

April 18, 2018

PATRICK BENNETT Staff Scallywag One third of the members of the iconic tin men statue, situated on the incline between the Rockefeller Arts Center and the woodlot near Ring Road, has recently released an autobiography recalling prime events and encounters in his life. The tin man, Warren Conrad, delivered......

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Profile: Your geology professor who dreams of the stage

Contributor to The LeaderApril 18, 2018

April 18, 2018

ALBERTO GONZALEZ Staff Scallywag Professor Dreary has now been teaching geology at Fredonia for the last 20 years, or how he remembers it, the number of years since he could have had a child with his ex-wife, but declined the opportunity. Back then, his wife had really wanted a......

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LinkedIn launches new website for introverts

Contributor to The LeaderApril 11, 2018

April 11, 2018

EMMA PATTERSON Editor of The Scallion Nothing quite illustrates the terrifying and nausea-inducing reality of adulthood like LinkedIn, the website dedicated to making the lives of thousands of inadequate man-children 1,000 times more stressful. But as the introverts continue to take over the world, (mwa ha ha ha), LinkedIn......

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Student reaches new level of consciousness after pulling three all-nighters

Contributor to The LeaderApril 11, 2018

April 11, 2018

ALBERTO GONZALEZ Staff Scallywag It is officially that time of year again. Midterm grades are starting to sink in, winter is lasting a little too long and somehow all of your classes decided now is a really good time for you to earn the majority of your grade by......

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Graduating senior requests refund from payroll office

Contributor to The LeaderApril 11, 2018

April 11, 2018

JACLYN SPIEZIA Staff Scallywag This year, Jane Schmuck is completing her time at SUNY Fredonia with average grades and cords from a few insignificant clubs. After five years of doing nothing at this university, she is almost ready to snatch her degree from the hands of President Horvath. Just......

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Soon to be college grad completely loses it

Contributor to The LeaderApril 11, 2018

April 11, 2018

MORGAN HENDERSON Staff Scallywag Tod Ramsey, a SUNY Fredonia senior, was found on the top floor of Maytum Hall throwing anything imaginable at the windows — the windows that don’t open and have non-breakable glass. A SUNY Fredonia employee said, “By the time I got back to my office......

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Mar-A-Lago: Where Russian operatives are at your service: Trump’s latest oblivious nightmare (or success?)

Contributor to The LeaderApril 4, 2018September 9, 2019

April 4, 2018September 9, 2019

PATRICK BENNETT Staff Scallywag This past weekend, affluent members of the esteemed Palm Beach Mar-a-Lago were surprised to learn that their stay was magnificent, due to the hard work of Russian operatives posing as butlers. “When we booked our overnight stay at the resort we were met with beautiful......

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Advice column from a nihilist

Contributor to The LeaderApril 4, 2018

April 4, 2018

NICHOLAS NIHILIST Staff Nihilist Dear nihilist, My girlfriend is constantly controlling every aspect of my life. Like, at first it was small favors here and there, and I didn’t mind. That was five years ago and now I am hiding in a closet, pretending that I am looking for......

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Terrified lawmakers claim that everyone who showed up to the “March For Our Lives” event were crisis actors

Contributor to The LeaderApril 4, 2018

April 4, 2018

JACLYN SPIEZIA Staff Scallywag When children started speaking out after the Parkland mass shooting, including recently at the March for Our Lives, lawmakers were concerned that young children had well-formed opinions. “Just because people lost family members and friends due to gun violence doesn’t mean they have the right......

Theater kids are taking over Fredonia

Rating every 2025 Oscar award-winning movie

President Trump signs orders dismantling eight departments

[SATIRE] Fear and Loathing in Talladega: A Journey to Beer-Soaked…

[SCALLION/NEWS] Campus bus leaves students traumatized

[SATIRE/NEWS] Police Notters

Executive Vice President and Provost Dr. David Starrett abruptly leaves…

[SATIRE] Abigail Jacobson, news editor, cancels news

[SCALLION/SPORTS] Volz enlisted to help suffering Sabres

[SCALLION/NEWS] All hail the new era: The Scallion has taken…

‘It hasn’t always been lemon squeezy for this buck’: A profile of that squirrel always seen outside of University Commons

Profile: Tin man of notorious ‘Three Man Hill’ statue speaks out: The exclusive sculpture tell all

Profile: Your geology professor who dreams of the stage

LinkedIn launches new website for introverts

Student reaches new level of consciousness after pulling three all-nighters

Graduating senior requests refund from payroll office

Soon to be college grad completely loses it

Mar-A-Lago: Where Russian operatives are at your service: Trump’s latest oblivious nightmare (or success?)

Advice column from a nihilist

Terrified lawmakers claim that everyone who showed up to the “March For Our Lives” event were crisis actors