The Scallion - Page 51 of 84 - The Leader, SUNY Fredonia's student-run newspaper

Compulsive shoppers sacrifice going to Dollar Tree

Contributor to The LeaderMarch 29, 2017

March 29, 2017

EMMA PATTERSON Staff Lampoonist The Lampoon stopped by an ordinary residential street this week to investigate a small protest that broke out in front of one of the houses. The owners of the house are Prissy and Chip McShopperson, self-proclaimed compulsive shoppers whose many purchases have overflowed......

Scallion

Lampoon Investigation: Did Buzz actually fall victim to the honeybee epidemic?

Contributor to The LeaderMarch 29, 2017

March 29, 2017

JACLYN SPIEZIA Staff Lampoonist Buzz, the spokesperson, or rather spokes-bee, for Honey Nut Cheerios is no longer advertising for the cereal brand. In fact, he has been reported missing. His mother, Beetrice, and his father, Fuzz, were very upset when Buzz did not arrive home from......

Scallion

Lampoon Review: The Nintendo Switch

Contributor to The LeaderMarch 22, 2017

March 22, 2017

PATRICK BENNETT Staff Lampoonist Two weeks ago, a putrid and rotund boy slapped his mother in the face at an Alabama Golden Corral. He didn’t take inspiration from the famous Dr. Phil video, nor was he upset about the absence of fried chicken at the moment. He wanted what......

Scallion

Disgruntled PC gamer backpacks across America to prove superiority to Nintendo Switch

Contributor to The LeaderMarch 22, 2017

March 22, 2017

EMMA PATTERSON Staff Lampoonist Gamers, non-gamers and basement-dwelling, unemployed 30-year-olds alike collectively lost their minds when the Nintendo Switch was released two weeks ago. Its portability, battery life, portability, dance-able commercials, portability and ability to not be the Wii U has renewed gamers’ hope that Nintendo is still capable......

Scallion

Surreal Baldwin portrayal replaces surreal president at WHCD

Contributor to The LeaderMarch 8, 2017September 1, 2019

March 8, 2017September 1, 2019

EMMA PATTERSON Staff Lampoonist He’s back, folks! Alec Baldwin, the actor most notably known for his surreal portrayal of Donald Trump on “Saturday Night Live” (among other roles, but let’s be real, this is his best), is slated to replace Trump at the head of the White House Correspondents’......

Scallion

NASA sells flights to new Trump-free planets

Contributor to The LeaderMarch 8, 2017September 9, 2019

March 8, 2017September 9, 2019

JACLYN SPIEZIA Staff Lampoonist President Donald Trump’s inauguration was a little over a month ago, and since then, the horror story that has recently been our government has rightfully been coined, “too much power for too tiny of hands.” In fact, Trump’s interest in nuclear war has given many......

Scallion

Police Notter March 8

Contributor to The LeaderMarch 8, 2017

March 8, 2017

KILGORE TROUT Guest Lampoonist Monday, Feb. 27, 2017 3:53 p.m. A raccoon was reportedly behaving suspiciously near Gregory Hall. Rock E. Raccoon, age 2, was arrested and charged with unlawful possession of people food. 5:12 p.m. An alarm was tripped in the vacant Erie Hall. Upon investigation,......

Scallion

The Lampoon’s guide on how to get rich

Contributor to The LeaderMarch 8, 2017

March 8, 2017

ALBERTO GONZALEZ Staff Lampoonist If there’s one thing college students are good at, it’s money management. We’re all here because we want to get a degree which will enable us to be so filthy, stinking rich that we can just sit around and watch Netflix all day without feeling......

Scallion

Leaveusbe Tribe discovered on new continent

Contributor to The LeaderMarch 1, 2017

March 1, 2017

EMMA PATTERSON Staff Lampoonist The whole world turned on the news last week and, for the first time in months, was not greeted with flames and screams of horror but with the announcement that a new continent has been discovered deep in the Pacific Ocean. The new......

Scallion

Amazon Echo calls your ex for you

Contributor to The LeaderMarch 1, 2017

March 1, 2017

JACLYN SPIEZIA Staff Lampoonist As the exploding Samsung Galaxy S7 news has phased out, reports suggest that a new cellphone phenomenon has started to take place. The Amazon Echo, which is designed around voice control, has exhibited an originally unidentified feature. After hours of listening to you bitch......

Humans steal jobs created for AI: The irony of automation…

[SATIRE] Megan’s Sports Roundup: Sports from someone who DEFINITELY knows…

Professor Peter Tucker reflects on his time at Fredonia

Trumps wins 2024 presidential election

Fredonia’s violinist David Rose performs from the heart

[SATIRE] Horoscopes and it’s the same but I’m an alum…

The ‘surprisingly chaotic’ Canadaway Creek

Digging into the impact of Fredonia’s faculty cuts

From EBC to Tiki: Fredonia staple changes ownership

Reviving community through leadership on the field

Compulsive shoppers sacrifice going to Dollar Tree

Lampoon Investigation: Did Buzz actually fall victim to the honeybee epidemic?

Lampoon Review: The Nintendo Switch

Disgruntled PC gamer backpacks across America to prove superiority to Nintendo Switch

Surreal Baldwin portrayal replaces surreal president at WHCD

NASA sells flights to new Trump-free planets

Police Notter March 8

The Lampoon’s guide on how to get rich

Leaveusbe Tribe discovered on new continent

Amazon Echo calls your ex for you