The Scallion - Page 53 of 84 - The Leader, SUNY Fredonia's student-run newspaper

Miss Universe opens pageant up to extra-terrestrial competitors

Contributor to The LeaderFebruary 8, 2017

February 8, 2017

JACLYN SPIEZIA Staff Lampoonist In what appears to be an effort to be more inclusive, the Miss Universe pageant will now accept competitors from other star systems. Don’t be alarmed, though. A Donald Trump-owned organization was not trying to be inclusive. The decision was made by......

Scallion

Is it okay to punch a Nazi?

Contributor to The LeaderFebruary 8, 2017August 17, 2019

February 8, 2017August 17, 2019

TRAVIS LEFEVRE Lampoon Editor Yes....

Scallion

Exclusive: Trump’s upcoming executive orders for next week; President flexes a little too hardcore?

Contributor to The LeaderFebruary 8, 2017September 9, 2019

February 8, 2017September 9, 2019

PATRICK BENNETT Staff Lampoonist A drunk uncle flipped the beer pong table at his niece’s graduation party this past summer. He was flexing his testosterone and booze-fueled strength by exerting maximum force on the table. Now, President Donald Trump is flexing maximum force on the people......

Scallion

Mexico unveils plans for border staircase

Contributor to The LeaderFebruary 8, 2017August 25, 2019

February 8, 2017August 25, 2019

EMMA PATTERSON Staff Lampoonist In a shocking turn of events last week, President Donald Trump claimed that he would actually start to move forward with what the general public thought was just a really dumb, horrifying joke: the construction of the U.S.-Mexico border wall. Obviously, this announcement has......

Scallion

ALONE Day replaces Valentine’s Day; Nothing good will ever happen again, sources say

Contributor to The LeaderFebruary 8, 2017

February 8, 2017

ALBERTO GONZALEZ Special to the Lampoon Valentine’s Day is upon us! BEWARE!! Any year prior to this one, this would have been a pretty typical sentence that could’ve summed up February 14th pretty nicely. Now, however, this is not the case. Due to the wide-reaching social effects......

Scallion

Biden letter leak goes viral; Ex-vice president leaves not-so heartfelt message for Pence

Contributor to The LeaderFebruary 1, 2017August 25, 2019

February 1, 2017August 25, 2019

PATRICK BENNETT Staff Lampoonist “Dear Mr. Penis, I mean Mr. Pence, I would like to leave you some encouraging thoughts and wisdom as you take over my position as Vice President of the United States,” were the first words written in a confidential letter written by Joe Biden......

Scallion

Police Notter February 1

Contributor to The LeaderFebruary 1, 2017

February 1, 2017

JACLYN SPIEZIA & ALBERTO GONZALEZ Staff Lampoonist and Special to the Lampoon UNIVERSITY Sunday, Jan. 22, 2017 A student reported a laptop was stolen from a dorm room. A report was filed after the laptop found under their bed two hours later. Monday, Jan. 23, 2017 University Police......

Scallion

The Statue of Liberty flees back to France

Contributor to The LeaderFebruary 1, 2017

February 1, 2017

EMMA PATTERSON Staff Lampoonist It seems that those Obama/Biden memes are not the only national treasures we’ll be missing over the next four years. The iconic symbol of freedom herself — the Statue of Liberty — apparently fled the country late last night, according to a confused yet unsurprised......

Scallion

Nation already exhausted by just one week of Trump presidency

Contributor to The LeaderFebruary 1, 2017September 9, 2019

February 1, 2017September 9, 2019

ALBERTO GONZALEZ Special to the Lampoon How long has Donald Trump really been in office, one week or one year? Honestly, it is hard to tell. It seems impossible that in one measly week he could already have made such a mess, but he did it. In an......

Scallion

Willy C’s new soda machine breaks

Contributor to The LeaderDecember 8, 2016

December 8, 2016

JACLYN SPIEZIA Special to the Lampoon If you often go to Centre Pointe, you may have noticed the new addition. We hardly ever get new things, so when we do, they really stick out. Sitting on the counter next to the old soda machine is a brand new soda machine.......

Humans steal jobs created for AI: The irony of automation…

[SATIRE] Megan’s Sports Roundup: Sports from someone who DEFINITELY knows…

Professor Peter Tucker reflects on his time at Fredonia

Trumps wins 2024 presidential election

Fredonia’s violinist David Rose performs from the heart

[SATIRE] Horoscopes and it’s the same but I’m an alum…

The ‘surprisingly chaotic’ Canadaway Creek

Digging into the impact of Fredonia’s faculty cuts

From EBC to Tiki: Fredonia staple changes ownership

Reviving community through leadership on the field

Miss Universe opens pageant up to extra-terrestrial competitors

Is it okay to punch a Nazi?

Exclusive: Trump’s upcoming executive orders for next week; President flexes a little too hardcore?

Mexico unveils plans for border staircase

ALONE Day replaces Valentine’s Day; Nothing good will ever happen again, sources say

Biden letter leak goes viral; Ex-vice president leaves not-so heartfelt message for Pence

Police Notter February 1

The Statue of Liberty flees back to France

Nation already exhausted by just one week of Trump presidency

Willy C’s new soda machine breaks