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July 24, 2024
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From the Desk of Chloe Kowalyk: Editor in Chief

From the Desk of EJ Jacobs: Life & Arts Editor

From the Desk of Jace Jacobs: Asst. Scallion Editor

From the Desk of Nicole Thorson: Art Director

From the Desk of Henry Domst: Design Editor

From the Desk of Sierra Mills: Chief Copy Editor

[SATIRE] An interview with The Bachelor’s winner, Henry Domst

[OPINION] What COVID-19 inadvertently taught us

ITS unveils stratigic plan for technology

Dr. Kathryn Kendall takes on enrollment

The Leader
Scallion

Clinton collapses during 9/11 ceremony, patriotic Americans lose it

Contributor to The Leader
  D. ZBORNAK Staff Lampoonist   After Colin Kaepernick’s decision to kneel during the national anthem, there has been an uproar from the population of loyal Americans whining about what it means to be respectful and patriotic in their country. Fuel was only added to the fire after a video......
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Scallion

Galaxy Note 7: The U.S. military’s perfect weapon

Contributor to The Leader
PATRICK BENNETT Staff Lampoonist         Technological powerhouse and company-you-strongly-associate-with-child-labor Samsung has just released the Galaxy Note 7. The Note is a whopping five and some inches, but male customers insist it’s at least six. One haunting discovery concerning the phone is that it could explode into flames at any minute.......
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Scallion

Pummeled to the POTUS: Presidency will be determined through a tag team cage match

Contributor to The Leader
TRAVIS LEFEVRE Lampoon Editor   Get ready for the rumble of a lifetime folks, because “red state” will soon have a whole new meaning. World Wrestling Entertainment has announced that it has signed a contract to determine the next president of the United States. A new approach is being taken......
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Scallion

ElectionSlam 2016: Presidency to be determined through tag-team cage match

Contributor to The Leader
TRAVIS LEFEVRE Lampoon Editor   Get ready for the rumble of a lifetime folks, because “red state” will soon have a whole new meaning. World Wrestling Entertainment has announced that it has signed a contract to determine the next president of the United States. A new approach is being taken......
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Scallion

A thank you letter from your colon: Recent sewage disaster forces campus-wide Willy C fast

Contributor to The Leader
V. RAVIOLI Staff Lampoonist    Dear Innkeeper,   As you know, we essentially have one of the most intimate relationships anyone can ever experience. You’ve shared your deepest darkest desires with me, whether I asked to know them or not. One of which, if you don’t mind me mentioning, is......
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