The Scallion - Page 57 of 88 - The Leader, SUNY Fredonia's student-run newspaper

DeVos participates in teacher swap

Contributor to The LeaderFebruary 22, 2017

February 22, 2017

Reading Time: 2 minutes EMMA PATTERSON Staff Lampoonist It’s always nice when politicians step outside of their comfort zone. For example, there’s nothing at all unsettling about Barack Obama wearing denim shorts or Chris Christie eating a carrot stick. This totally-real fact made Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos’ decision to swap places......

Scallion

Guest Op-Ed: Who wants to be America’s second?

Contributor to The LeaderFebruary 22, 2017August 25, 2019

February 22, 2017August 25, 2019

Reading Time: 2 minutesPRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP WWE Hall of Famer In Donald Trump’s inauguration speech, he said, “From this day forward, it’s going to be only America first. America first.” POTUS has followed up on his thoughts with an exclusive op-ed penned for the Lampoon. Who was your founding father? Our......

Scallion

Trump travel ban receives coveted 5-star rating from ISIS: Dayum! That’s a great ban!

Contributor to The LeaderFebruary 15, 2017

February 15, 2017

Reading Time: 2 minutesPATRICK BENNETT Staff Lampoonist The severely outdated and irrelevant restaurant-locating website Yelp just received news that an organization had awarded Trump’s travel ban five stars. The totally peaceful and fun-loving organization that distributed the perfect rating? ISIS. News had broke that ISIS gave Trump’s travel ban the coveted five-star......

Scallion

Tom Brady admits cheating in Super Bowl, nobody cares

Contributor to The LeaderFebruary 15, 2017

February 15, 2017

Reading Time: 2 minutesJACLYN SPIEZIA Staff Lampoonist “The New England Patriots have just won Super Bowl LI,” the announcer screeched. While Patriots fans cheered in excitement, Atlanta Falcons fans started to screech in retaliation claiming the Patriots had cheated their way to victory. One Falcons fan used his mechanical wings to fly......

Scallion

Fake news filter removes Conway from internet

Contributor to The LeaderFebruary 15, 2017August 25, 2019

February 15, 2017August 25, 2019

Reading Time: 2 minutesEMMA PATTERSON Staff Lampoonist Facebook’s new “fake news filters” caused a moderate amount of outrage among Donald Trump supporters last week when they accidentally filtered out, to the relief of pretty much everyone, Kellyanne Conway interviews. Incensed Facebook users took to Facebook to rant about boycotting Facebook. “I joined Facepage......

Scallion

Dumpster diver wins Honda Civic

Contributor to The LeaderFebruary 15, 2017

February 15, 2017

Reading Time: 2 minutes ALBERTO GONZALEZ Special to the Lampoon Local student Buffrey Groucho was dumpster diving last Thursday when he found an old Tim Hortons cup, unrolled. He had no intention of finding any cups. He just truly cares about the environment, and really wanted to make sure there were no......

Scallion

Miss Universe opens pageant up to extra-terrestrial competitors

Contributor to The LeaderFebruary 8, 2017

February 8, 2017

Reading Time: 2 minutes JACLYN SPIEZIA Staff Lampoonist In what appears to be an effort to be more inclusive, the Miss Universe pageant will now accept competitors from other star systems. Don’t be alarmed, though. A Donald Trump-owned organization was not trying to be inclusive. The decision was made by......

Scallion

Is it okay to punch a Nazi?

Contributor to The LeaderFebruary 8, 2017August 17, 2019

February 8, 2017August 17, 2019

Reading Time: < 1 minute TRAVIS LEFEVRE Lampoon Editor Yes....

Scallion

Exclusive: Trump’s upcoming executive orders for next week; President flexes a little too hardcore?

Contributor to The LeaderFebruary 8, 2017September 9, 2019

February 8, 2017September 9, 2019

Reading Time: 3 minutes PATRICK BENNETT Staff Lampoonist A drunk uncle flipped the beer pong table at his niece’s graduation party this past summer. He was flexing his testosterone and booze-fueled strength by exerting maximum force on the table. Now, President Donald Trump is flexing maximum force on the people......

Scallion

Mexico unveils plans for border staircase

Contributor to The LeaderFebruary 8, 2017August 25, 2019

February 8, 2017August 25, 2019

Reading Time: 2 minutes EMMA PATTERSON Staff Lampoonist In a shocking turn of events last week, President Donald Trump claimed that he would actually start to move forward with what the general public thought was just a really dumb, horrifying joke: the construction of the U.S.-Mexico border wall. Obviously, this announcement has......

Naloxone becomes available in Gregory Hall

Nation facing a mid-term test

Trump claims leakers ‘should be shot’

AI doesn’t want to take over, it wants your Social…

Student Media, Cornell Incident

LOVERCOLUMN: Legendary Lovers

World leaders address war, conflicts at UN General Assembly

Issues of Sports Gambling

From Fredonia to New Mexico?

A playlist for each mood: Yearning

DeVos participates in teacher swap

Guest Op-Ed: Who wants to be America’s second?

Trump travel ban receives coveted 5-star rating from ISIS: Dayum! That’s a great ban!

Tom Brady admits cheating in Super Bowl, nobody cares

Fake news filter removes Conway from internet

Dumpster diver wins Honda Civic

Miss Universe opens pageant up to extra-terrestrial competitors

Is it okay to punch a Nazi?

Exclusive: Trump’s upcoming executive orders for next week; President flexes a little too hardcore?

Mexico unveils plans for border staircase