October 27, 2026
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Naloxone becomes available in Gregory Hall

Nation facing a mid-term test

Trump claims leakers ‘should be shot’

AI doesn’t want to take over, it wants your Social…

Student Media, Cornell Incident

LOVERCOLUMN: Legendary Lovers

World leaders address war, conflicts at UN General Assembly

Issues of Sports Gambling

From Fredonia to New Mexico?  

A playlist for each mood: Yearning  

The Leader
Scallion

States with legal marijuana mysteriously covered in clouds visible from space

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 2 minutesJACLYN SPIEZIA Special to the Lampoon Recent data has shown that Alaska, California, Colorado, Maine, Massachusetts, Nevada, Oregon and Washington all cannot be seen from outer space. A researcher has found that smoke clouds are causing these states to be unseen. Even with our advanced technology, the clouds are too......
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Scallion

Biden plans White House traps for Trump

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 2 minutesEMMA PATTERSON Staff Lampoonist After the nightmarish circus that was this year’s presidential election, many Americans feel powerless in the face of the looming Trump administration. While some people have taken to the streets in protest, one high-ranking White House official has a different kind of protest in mind. “Have......
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Scallion

Students recover from Thanksgiving dinner conversations

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 3 minutes  D. ZBORNAK Staff Lampoonist While getting back into the swing of their normal schedules, many students are recounting their experiences with their families from Thanksgiving Break. While not ideal in everyday life, one might say the romanticism of opposing viewpoints and trivial bickering has become a beloved tradition of......
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Scallion

Hillary Clinton announces presidential bids in 2020, 2024, 2028 and so on

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 2 minutesALBERTO GONZALEZ Special to the Lampoon In grandiose fashion, Democratic presidential nominee Hillary Clinton lost her bid for the White House last week. After giving her concession speech, she seemingly disappeared from the public spotlight. All of the pro-Clinton individuals of the country need not worry, however. She does not......
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Scallion

UK ready for bedtime: EU flexes parental control over country

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 3 minutesPATRICK BENNETT Staff Lampoonist This past June was historic for the United Kingdom, as its citizens opted to vote themselves out of the European Union. This bombshell ruling, cleverly named Brexit, was evidence that the U.K. wanted to be its own entity in the shadow of the EU. Since the......
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Scallion

Upstate citizens campaign to build wall around NYC

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 2 minutesEMMA PATTERSON Staff Lampoonist Only days after Donald Trump won the presidency, New York Republicans are threatening to build a wall around the highly populous and liberal New York City in an attempt to make New York “red again.” Feeling scared and confused for the 100th time this year, the......
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Scallion

‘What the Fuck?’ Nation Asks Self

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 3 minutesKILGORE TROUT Guest Lampoonist Since the shocking victory of Republican nominee for president Donald Trump’s campaign last week, reports confirm a sizeable increase in the number of Americans citizens turning on the TV, scratching their heads for a moment, then exclaiming angrily, “Is this a goddamn joke?” For the first......
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