The Scallion - Page 59 of 84 - The Leader, SUNY Fredonia's student-run newspaper

How to survive Thompson Hall

Contributor to The LeaderSeptember 21, 2016September 2, 2019

September 21, 2016September 2, 2019

JACLYN SPIEZIA Special to the Lampoon Of all the buildings on campus, Thompson Hall is notorious for ensnaring even the most seasoned explorer in its traps. This guide will give you everything you need to make it out alive. Tip 1: When making your schedule, think twice about......

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Clinton collapses during 9/11 ceremony, patriotic Americans lose it

Contributor to The LeaderSeptember 21, 2016August 25, 2019

September 21, 2016August 25, 2019

D. ZBORNAK Staff Lampoonist After Colin Kaepernick’s decision to kneel during the national anthem, there has been an uproar from the population of loyal Americans whining about what it means to be respectful and patriotic in their country. Fuel was only added to the fire after a video......

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Galaxy Note 7: The U.S. military’s perfect weapon

Contributor to The LeaderSeptember 21, 2016

September 21, 2016

PATRICK BENNETT Staff Lampoonist Technological powerhouse and company-you-strongly-associate-with-child-labor Samsung has just released the Galaxy Note 7. The Note is a whopping five and some inches, but male customers insist it’s at least six. One haunting discovery concerning the phone is that it could explode into flames at any minute.......

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Cranston now offers choke-free food

Contributor to The LeaderSeptember 21, 2016

September 21, 2016

TRAVIS LEFEVRE Lampoon Editor After a wild week of students choking left and right, Cranston Marche is now scrapping its entire menu and replacing it with food you can’t choke on, even if you tried. The change became official when, surprise, another student choked on the food in Cranston.......

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Autumn is coming: Bookstore features all-Fall everything

Contributor to The LeaderSeptember 21, 2016

September 21, 2016

EMMA PATTERSON Special to the Lampoon It’s that time of year again, folks. The days are shorter, the nights are cooler, and students around campus can be heard saying things like, “It’s literally 1,000 degrees in Fenton” and “I think I’m melting.” That’s right, the fall season is upon us......

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The stone-cold war: Obama and Putin engaged in a passive-aggressive war

Contributor to The LeaderSeptember 14, 2016August 25, 2019

September 14, 2016August 25, 2019

TRAVIS LEFEVRE Lampoon Editor The United States and Russia have had a long love-hate relationship with one another. Today is no exception. From teaming up in World War II to constantly fearing nuclear war with each other, Presidents Barack Obama and Vladimir Putin have now ushered in a new......

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Pummeled to the POTUS: Presidency will be determined through a tag team cage match

Contributor to The LeaderSeptember 14, 2016August 25, 2019

September 14, 2016August 25, 2019

TRAVIS LEFEVRE Lampoon Editor Get ready for the rumble of a lifetime folks, because “red state” will soon have a whole new meaning. World Wrestling Entertainment has announced that it has signed a contract to determine the next president of the United States. A new approach is being taken......

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New library printers lead to robot uprising

Contributor to The LeaderSeptember 14, 2016

September 14, 2016

V. RAVIOLI Staff Lampoonist As is well known to all Fredonia students, the world this past year has been nothing short of a calamity — one disaster after another without any foreseeable sign of resolution. With no hope left for humanity, the long-mocked prophecy of sci-fi writers throughout......

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Record-breaking bee deaths leads to drop in Honey Nut Cheerio production

Contributor to The LeaderSeptember 14, 2016

September 14, 2016

V. RAVIOLI Staff Lampoonist Devastating news has been going around about the recent Zika spraying that inadvertently killed off millions of honeybees. What was intended to be a heroic effort toward the destruction of the Zika virus in the U.S. has tragically resulted in an unbelievable drop in honey......

Scallion

ElectionSlam 2016: Presidency to be determined through tag-team cage match

Contributor to The LeaderSeptember 14, 2016August 25, 2019

September 14, 2016August 25, 2019

TRAVIS LEFEVRE Lampoon Editor Get ready for the rumble of a lifetime folks, because “red state” will soon have a whole new meaning. World Wrestling Entertainment has announced that it has signed a contract to determine the next president of the United States. A new approach is being taken......

Humans steal jobs created for AI: The irony of automation…

[SATIRE] Megan’s Sports Roundup: Sports from someone who DEFINITELY knows…

Professor Peter Tucker reflects on his time at Fredonia

Trumps wins 2024 presidential election

Fredonia’s violinist David Rose performs from the heart

[SATIRE] Horoscopes and it’s the same but I’m an alum…

The ‘surprisingly chaotic’ Canadaway Creek

Digging into the impact of Fredonia’s faculty cuts

From EBC to Tiki: Fredonia staple changes ownership

Reviving community through leadership on the field

How to survive Thompson Hall

Clinton collapses during 9/11 ceremony, patriotic Americans lose it

Galaxy Note 7: The U.S. military’s perfect weapon

Cranston now offers choke-free food

Autumn is coming: Bookstore features all-Fall everything

The stone-cold war: Obama and Putin engaged in a passive-aggressive war

Pummeled to the POTUS: Presidency will be determined through a tag team cage match

New library printers lead to robot uprising

Record-breaking bee deaths leads to drop in Honey Nut Cheerio production

ElectionSlam 2016: Presidency to be determined through tag-team cage match