March 6, 2026
Featured

5th Quarter Column: McDermott fired after latest playoff heartbreak

5th Quarter Column: Rocky road leads Bills to Denver

5th Quarter Column: California Dreamin’

Printing points introduced for students, staff

5th Quarter Column: Allen regains MVP form with six scores

Fredonia’s hockey recruiting extends across the nation, world

[SATIRE] Horoscopes: What dessert should you bring to your fall…

The ultimate cran-baby tier list

A girlfriend’s guide to watching your partner play video games

Lovercolumn: Expressions of Love

The Leader
Scallion

[SATIRE] Horoscopes: Life lessons from the signs

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 4 minutesJACE JACOBS Assistant Editor of The Scallion, Senior! Graduating! Woohoo!  My dearest Fredheads,  I regret to inform you all that this will be the last time you’ll read my wonderful, beautiful, incredibly accurate, always hilarious horoscopes. Although I am overjoyed to be leaving America’s favorite dog food town, I am......
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Scallion

[SATIRE] Highlighting the Feminist Men of Media: Andrew Tate and Elon Musk

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 3 minutesMEGAN KIDBY Scallion Editor In honor of this special issue, I wanted to highlight some quotes from the most amazing men … Elon Musk and Andrew Tate.  These beautiful men have really paved the way for strong and powerful females like me.  Once, I was just a self-conscious girl and......
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Scallion

[SATIRE] Horoscopes: Moments of womanhood aligned with the signs

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 4 minutesJACE JACOBSAssistant Editor of The Scallion  ABIGAIL MILLER  Managing Editor  Hello Fredonians and a very happy Woman Issue to all who celebrate (guys please don’t hate me for calling it that, it’s literally what our Editor in Chief called it)!  For some context, I am a transgender man, so although......
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Scallion

[SATIRE] Women are funny… yeah I said it.

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 2 minutesMEGAN KIDBY Scallion Editor I believe women are funny despite what Dan Schnieder thinks. In a world teeming with age-old debates, from the existence of extraterrestrial life to the proper way to hang toilet paper, one question continues to perplex and bemuse scholars and comedians alike: are women funny?  This......
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Scallion

[SATIRE] America…I am NOT Dating Jace Jacobs

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 2 minutesMEGAN KIDBY Scallion Editor Dear devoted readers, As a humble reporter, I never thought I’d be thrust into the limelight of love, scandal and the unpredictable world of reality television.  Alas, here I am, penning a response to the utterly absurd rumors circulating about my alleged romance with a certain......
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Scallion

[SATIRE] Horoscopes: Why your sign should sign up for The Bachelor

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 2 minutesFACE FACOBSNew Assistant Editor of The Scallion, Jace’s Replacement Hello everyone! My name is Face Facobs and I am Jace Jacobs’ official replacement! In light of his horoscopes being too long, he has been fired, and I have replaced him. Although we’ve never met, I’ve decided to throw my predecessor......
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