The Scallion - Page 64 of 82 - The Leader, SUNY Fredonia's student-run newspaper

Forget the rest, Trump is best: Better than the booger-eater and Marco ‘Roboto’

Contributor to The LeaderMarch 10, 2016August 25, 2019

March 10, 2016August 25, 2019

THE FEVER Assistant Trumpoonist When it comes to the presidential candidates, no one can compare to Donald J. Trump. The charismatic, charming and handsome frontrunner for the GOP has been running circles around rivals Ted Cruz and Marco Rubio. Any naysayers to Trump’s inevitable presidency should know that neither......

Scallion

Health benefits of electing donald trump

Contributor to The LeaderMarch 10, 2016September 9, 2019

March 10, 2016September 9, 2019

G. RAVIOLI Special to the Trumpoon From nervous anticipation to promising excitement, the Super Tuesday turnout revealed just what we’ve been hoping for — Donald J. Trump is leading the way for the Republican presidential candidacy. There have been uncertainties as to whether or not Trump’s gripping campaign......

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Trumposcopes

Contributor to The LeaderMarch 10, 2016August 25, 2019

March 10, 2016August 25, 2019

MISSY FEOLA Staff Trumpoonist Aries Don’t bother listening to the media this week; it won’t do you any good. Just visit www.donaldjtrump.com for everything that you need to know. You will discover the Aries destiny within this website. Taurus Much like Trump, you are stubborn as hell.......

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Every great America needs great guns All the guns are belonging to Trump

Contributor to The LeaderMarch 10, 2016August 25, 2019

March 10, 2016August 25, 2019

JESSICA D’NONSENS Trumpoonist HOUSTON — We have a problem in America: All of our guns are being taken. Where are they going? If future C.E.O. of America Donald Trump plays his cards right — which he will — they’ll all be going to him. A recent viral video......

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What’s Tim got cookin’ on his hard drive? Apple CEO has dirty little secrets

Contributor to The LeaderMarch 1, 2016

March 1, 2016

PATRICK BENNETT Special to the Lampoon Students using Apple computers on campus will be pleasantly surprised to realize that their devices may be similar to that of CEO Tim Cook’s. The reason being that there are copious amounts of pornographic material on the hard drive. In the midst of......

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Horoscopes

Contributor to The LeaderMarch 1, 2016August 15, 2019

March 1, 2016August 15, 2019

EMMO Staff Lampoonist March 21 – April 19 Get ready to party, because you will win the lottery this week. You should probably set some of that cash aside to replace the car you crashed while scratching off the ticket. April 20 – May 20 Whitney Houston will rise from......

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Trumping Kanye’s debt Trump asks West for favors

Contributor to The LeaderMarch 1, 2016August 25, 2019

March 1, 2016August 25, 2019

G. EMMO Staff Lampoonist Donald Trump, in an act of compassion and in the spirit of “making America great again,” has decided to help alleviate Kanye West’s crippling debt — one of the major issues America faces today. Though Trump is notorious for his selfless charity and goodwill, he......

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Enter The Church of Deadpool: From box office hit to world religion

Contributor to The LeaderMarch 1, 2016August 25, 2019

March 1, 2016August 25, 2019

THE FEVER Assistant Lampoonist When it comes to religion, the first things that come to mind are Christianity, Judaism or Islam. All three of these concepts work, but they’re missing one thing: a loudmouth squeezed into red spandex. Take Ryan Reynolds, slap a red costume on him and give......

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Web Exclusive: ‘Right there the whole time’ Police take 12 hours to find murderer

Contributor to The LeaderMarch 1, 2016

March 1, 2016

TRAVIS LEFEVRE Assistant Lampoon Editor Police are currently investigating the murder of Ray N. Carnation, who was found dead outside of the Williams Center last Friday. Police reports indicate finding the suspect, Jason Johnson, sitting on a bench next to Carnation 12 hours after the shooting. “We practically......

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You might be a Hitler How to know if you are der Führer

Contributor to The LeaderMarch 1, 2016

March 1, 2016

MISSY FEOLA Staff Lampoonist Attention Fredonians: There may be a few Hitlers that walk amongst you. Social scientists claim that everyone makes eye contact with at least three Hitlers per year. However, if you go to school at Fredonia, that number may be a little higher. What causes......

From the Desk of Chloe Kowalyk: Editor in Chief

From the Desk of EJ Jacobs: Life & Arts Editor

From the Desk of Jace Jacobs: Asst. Scallion Editor

From the Desk of Nicole Thorson: Art Director

From the Desk of Henry Domst: Design Editor

From the Desk of Sierra Mills: Chief Copy Editor

[SATIRE] An interview with The Bachelor’s winner, Henry Domst

[OPINION] What COVID-19 inadvertently taught us

ITS unveils stratigic plan for technology

Dr. Kathryn Kendall takes on enrollment

Forget the rest, Trump is best: Better than the booger-eater and Marco ‘Roboto’

Health benefits of electing donald trump

Trumposcopes

Every great America needs great guns All the guns are belonging to Trump

What’s Tim got cookin’ on his hard drive? Apple CEO has dirty little secrets

Horoscopes

Trumping Kanye’s debt Trump asks West for favors

Enter The Church of Deadpool: From box office hit to world religion

Web Exclusive: ‘Right there the whole time’ Police take 12 hours to find murderer

You might be a Hitler How to know if you are der Führer