The Scallion - Page 66 of 82 - The Leader, SUNY Fredonia's student-run newspaper

Introducing Fredonia’s new mascot: Puppy Monkey Baby Blue Devil retires as per student request

Contributor to The LeaderFebruary 18, 2016

February 18, 2016

THE FEVER Assistant Lampoonist A puppy, a monkey and a baby walk into a room. This isn’t the beginning of a bad joke, either. For anyone who didn’t pay attention, there were two big takeaways from Super Bowl 50: One, the New England Patriots somehow cheated. Two, Puppy Monkey......

Scallion

Horoscopes

Contributor to The LeaderFebruary 18, 2016August 15, 2019

February 18, 2016August 15, 2019

EMMO Staff Lampoonist March 21 – April 19 You will be very strong and confident this week, like Cam Newton. Unfortunately, the world is Von Miller. It will break you physically and emotionally. You will cry. April 20 – May 20 You will smash your head against your desk......

Scallion

Misunderstood dance craze leads to drop in profit for popular local hangout.

Contributor to The LeaderFebruary 18, 2016

February 18, 2016

RAVIOLI Special to the Lampoon Sunny’s has long been the club of choice for students of Fredonia. Since 1994, you could be sure that this hotspot was reeking with the energy of young men and ladies learning how to function without the nuisance of parental supervision. Between......

Scallion

To meme or not to meme? Bernie Sanders’ meme page reaches more follows than his campaign

Contributor to The LeaderFebruary 18, 2016August 25, 2019

February 18, 2016August 25, 2019

JESSICA D’NONSENS Lampoonist Bernie Sanders is every millennial’s wet dream. He promises free tuition, limited warfare, higher wages and now, he offers the dankest of memes. “Bernie Sanders’ Dank Meme Stash” (BSDMS), a Facebook group created to get the Internet involved in the democratic socialist’s campaign, has recently......

Scallion

‘Hello’ from the GOP Adele joins presidential race

Contributor to The LeaderFebruary 10, 2016August 25, 2019

February 10, 2016August 25, 2019

THE FEVER Assistant Lampoonist He could have had it all. Unfortunately for him, Donald has been trumped in the Iowa caucus — not by Ted Cruz or Marco Rubio, but by pop sensation Adele. At Trump’s rallies, he would use “Skyfall” and “Rolling in the Deep” to fire him......

Scallion

Rush Week taken literally Students do everything way too quickly in the hopes of winning bid

Contributor to The LeaderFebruary 10, 2016

February 10, 2016

EMMO Staff Lampoonist You may have seen some students last week whiz by like Speedy Gonzales trying to get out of a Trump rally — or maybe they were so quick that you didn’t. You also may have noticed some of your fellow classmates engaged in all kinds of......

Scallion

To be ‘fresh and funky’ like Sanders, Clinton starts new hashtag

Contributor to The LeaderFebruary 10, 2016August 25, 2019

February 10, 2016August 25, 2019

JESSICA D’NONSENS Lampoonist “Come to my New Hampshire Rally tonight. Bring your Tamagotchis and scooters, kids. It’s going to be cray cray. #rubtheclint” was the tweet sent out from the official “Ready for Hillary” Twitter page. Since then, the Internet has stopped. People knew that Hillary Clinton was in......

Scallion

Horoscopes

Contributor to The LeaderFebruary 10, 2016August 15, 2019

February 10, 2016August 15, 2019

RILEY STRAW Lampoon Editor Aries You will start to really #feelthebern this week, but it won’t be because of Vermont Sen. Bernie Sanders. You have contracted dysentery. Seek medical treatment. Taurus You will realize that astrology is a fabricated system of vague generalizations designed to make you feel as......

Scallion

Web exclusive: Martin Shkreli’s face put on punching bag

Contributor to The LeaderFebruary 10, 2016

February 10, 2016

TRAVIS LEFEVRE Assistant Lampoon Editor As seen on TV, Martin Shkreli’s face is arguably now the most punchable one in the history of this country. Shkreli met with Congress over charges of securities fraud, a charge entirely unrelated to the act of utter douchebaggery he committed late last......

Scallion

Texas Zika discovery reveals historical lack of intelligence

Contributor to The LeaderFebruary 10, 2016August 25, 2019

February 10, 2016August 25, 2019

RAVIOLI Special to the Lampoon Citizens of Texas have never been known for possessing ample wisdom. There’s an old saying, “Be smart and work with your head, or be dumb and work with your hands.” Texans have long sworn by the latter part of that proverb. But with......

From the Desk of Chloe Kowalyk: Editor in Chief

From the Desk of EJ Jacobs: Life & Arts Editor

From the Desk of Jace Jacobs: Asst. Scallion Editor

From the Desk of Nicole Thorson: Art Director

From the Desk of Henry Domst: Design Editor

From the Desk of Sierra Mills: Chief Copy Editor

[SATIRE] An interview with The Bachelor’s winner, Henry Domst

[OPINION] What COVID-19 inadvertently taught us

ITS unveils stratigic plan for technology

Dr. Kathryn Kendall takes on enrollment

Introducing Fredonia’s new mascot: Puppy Monkey Baby Blue Devil retires as per student request

Horoscopes

Misunderstood dance craze leads to drop in profit for popular local hangout.

To meme or not to meme? Bernie Sanders’ meme page reaches more follows than his campaign

‘Hello’ from the GOP Adele joins presidential race

Rush Week taken literally Students do everything way too quickly in the hopes of winning bid

To be ‘fresh and funky’ like Sanders, Clinton starts new hashtag

Horoscopes

Web exclusive: Martin Shkreli’s face put on punching bag

Texas Zika discovery reveals historical lack of intelligence