The Scallion - Page 69 of 82 - The Leader, SUNY Fredonia's student-run newspaper

Horoscopes

Contributor to The LeaderDecember 3, 2015August 15, 2019

December 3, 2015August 15, 2019

EMMO Staff Lampoonist Capricorn Time to let loose, Capricorn. You have become tense because of your unwillingness to try something new. This week, relieve your stress by using your nondominant hand. Aquarius Rebellion is in your nature, Aquarius. Try using the other hand during alone time. Pisces......

Scallion

1963 Lincoln Continental for sale

Contributor to The LeaderDecember 3, 2015

December 3, 2015

PHYLLIS T. CUPP Lampoonist This week, an ad for a used car went up in The Leader classified section. On paper, the car seemed reliable and strong, but we had questions about the used 1963 Lincoln Continental. “It still runs real well,” said salesman Amy Reika. “There’s almost no......

Scallion

This. Is. Target. Target more prepared than Walmart for Black Friday shoppers

Contributor to The LeaderDecember 3, 2015

December 3, 2015

CHARLES PRITCHARD Staff Writer Thanksgiving has come and gone, leaving Christmas around the corner. And in its wake, it leaves a feeling of giving and generosity that echoes within us all. This can only mean one thing: Grandma and Grandpa are out getting trampled underfoot by the horde......

Scallion

Web exclusive: Će JJR to play at Sunny’s for Battle of the New Bands win

Contributor to The LeaderNovember 23, 2015

November 23, 2015

PHYLLIS T. CUPP Lampoonist After the cancellation of FREDFest last year, many things have changed. Most notably, fewer propane tanks are flung through LoGrasso windows, fewer students are peeing in water fountains, and Fredonia students participate in less general tomfoolery. Another thing that has changed is the prize......

Scallion

Horoscopes

Contributor to The LeaderNovember 23, 2015August 15, 2019

November 23, 2015August 15, 2019

MISSY FEOLA Staff Lampoonist Capricorn Feeling extra salty today? The Starbucks cups got you all riled up? Go find some sugar and sprinkle it all over yourself to counteract your salty ways. Then, put some in your coffee and shut up. Aquarius No one likes to be......

Scallion

Web exclusive Star Wars: The Anti-White Menance

Contributor to The LeaderNovember 23, 2015

November 23, 2015

WHAT THE HECK AM I ABOUT TO READ: In response to the wild accusations that “Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens” is “anti-white,” here is an argument and a counter argument that show just how insane that claim is. STU PADIDDY Certified Racist White America this week......

Scallion

Authors that ‘Six Characters’ wouldn’t search for

Contributor to The LeaderNovember 18, 2015

November 18, 2015

THE FEVER Assistant Lampoonist With “Six Characters in Search of an Author” coming to a close this past weekend, the Lampoon wondered what kind of author the six characters wouldn’t want. So, a list has been compiled, consisting of writers — including novelists — playwrights and screenwriters, that these......

Scallion

Bioengineered water-type Pokémon to replace orcas: Lapras, Gyarados and Blastoise to be featured in new SeaWorld exhibit

Contributor to The LeaderNovember 18, 2015

November 18, 2015

PHYLLIS T. CUPP Lampoonist A sigh of relief fell over moral Americans when SeaWorld announced it would be releasing its captive killer whales back into the wild last week. Since the release of the documentary “Blackfish,” SeaWorld has had a difficult time rationalizing the murders of several of its......

Scallion

Fallout Fever ‘Fallout 4’ released, players gone missing

Contributor to The LeaderNovember 18, 2015

November 18, 2015

THE FEVER Staff Lampoonist After selling a whopping 12 million copies in just one day, “Fallout 4” has made history, even beating out the highly popular “Grand Theft Auto V.” Along with 12 million copies, there have been 12 million missing persons reports filed worldwide since the game’s release,......

Scallion

Inclusive Starbucks cup designs: The Lampoon leaves no religion behind

Contributor to The LeaderNovember 18, 2015August 25, 2019

November 18, 2015August 25, 2019

EMMO Staff Lampoonist Starbucks’ decision to drop all Christmas-related symbols from its cup design has a certain kind of customer very unhappy. Enraged by the “politically correct” environment, devout Christians cannot fathom a Starbucks throw-away cup without candy canes, snowflakes, ornaments and all the festive, glittery nonsense that......

From the Desk of Chloe Kowalyk: Editor in Chief

From the Desk of EJ Jacobs: Life & Arts Editor

From the Desk of Jace Jacobs: Asst. Scallion Editor

From the Desk of Nicole Thorson: Art Director

From the Desk of Henry Domst: Design Editor

From the Desk of Sierra Mills: Chief Copy Editor

[SATIRE] An interview with The Bachelor’s winner, Henry Domst

[OPINION] What COVID-19 inadvertently taught us

ITS unveils stratigic plan for technology

Dr. Kathryn Kendall takes on enrollment

Horoscopes

1963 Lincoln Continental for sale

This. Is. Target. Target more prepared than Walmart for Black Friday shoppers

Web exclusive: Će JJR to play at Sunny’s for Battle of the New Bands win

Horoscopes

Web exclusive Star Wars: The Anti-White Menance

Authors that ‘Six Characters’ wouldn’t search for

Bioengineered water-type Pokémon to replace orcas: Lapras, Gyarados and Blastoise to be featured in new SeaWorld exhibit

Fallout Fever ‘Fallout 4’ released, players gone missing

Inclusive Starbucks cup designs: The Lampoon leaves no religion behind